Help Your Marriage Survive The Rough Spots
Every marriage has its ups and downs, its rough periods. Even in
the best of circumstances, there are going to be difficult
times.
People change.
Circumstances change.
Emotions change.
Over time, the natural ebb and flow of everyday life places
incredible pressure on a relationship.
Almost unnoticed at first, you begin to think thoughts that had
once been unthinkable. "I love him, but I'm not in love with
him. Not anymore." "I'm not attracted to her, not like I was in
the beginning." "Maybe if we separated for awhile ..."
The skies can darken in a hurry.
But if you survive these darkest of times, you may find you
emerge with a stronger, more trusting relationship than you ever
imagined possible.
Here are a few tips that might help you toward that goal ...
== Have a clear understanding of your expectations. Couples
rarely take the time to discuss how the little things will work.
What does romance mean to each of you? How will the finances be
handled? How will your children be raised? What role will
religion play in your relationship? What makes you feel loved?
What hurts you? How will arguments be resolved? How will
decisions be made? What do you need from your spouse, what does
your spouse need from you?
== Don't fight unfairly. There will always be disagreements.
Deal with the matter at hand. Don't drudge up all your hurts and
disappointments from the past. Those are different matters, to
be handled separately, at a different time. Keep focused on the
issue under discussion and avoid muddying the waters with
generalized personal attacks ("You're always nagging." "You
never do anything unless I tell you to do it first.")
== Face the issues that are facing you. Hiding from reality
never leads to a happy ending. If you're experiencing financial
problems, admit it, get it out in the open.
== Be honest with yourself. Take a step back and give yourself a
good long look in the mirror. If your behavior is undermining
your relationship (whether it's the way you communicate, or how
you treat your spouse, or your personal destructive behavior)
own up to it.
== Take the initiative. Understand that waiting for your spouse
to change first will likely result in no change at all. Actions
come first. Thoughts and feelings follow. Change your behaviors
and watch your spouse's behaviors change in response.
== Rebuild compatibility. Time has a way of unveiling the
differences between couples, especially when your marriage is in
trouble. Seek out those interests you have in common with your
spouse. Look for opportunities to share activities together.
Perhaps it's ballroom dancing, or photography, or camping, or
trips to the beach.
== Remember what it was like when you were dating. What was it
that first attracted you to your spouse? What made you first
fall in love? How can those feelings be rekindled?
== Keep your sense of humor. Life is challenging enough without
having to live with a brooding, angry spouse. Laugh out loud the
way you did when you were a kid. Happiness is a choice. Exercise
it.
Marriage is a sacred vow to love your partner for richer or for
poorer, in sickness and in health, till ... well you know the
rest. Unfortunately, for many people, the pressures, challenges,
and monotony of married life have doused its wonderful positive
aspects.
Maybe it's time to rekindle the magic.