"How Having Fun Can Be Contagious and Help You Create

A few days ago, we went to dinner at a local restaurant with a few friends who were visiting from out-of-town. Since this is a very popular place to eat, we were told that the wait would be 30-40 minutes. While we were waiting to be seated, we talked, laughed, had fun and even sang and danced to the music that was playing in the background. Although the hostess thought we were acting very strangely for seemingly normal adults in their 30's, 40's and 50's, she began having fun with us, as well as some of the other people who were waiting with us. As we were seated well under the 30-40 minute wait, we continued our fun with the waitress as we ordered and ate our food. The owner, who had looked stressed when we came in, began joining in our fun and even posed with us for a group photo. What that taught us is how infectious fun, laughter and a positive frame of mind is and how it can affect those around us and the situations we find ourselves in. We could have gone to the restaurant, been upset by the wait and grumbled about our situation but we had it as our intention to have fun, enjoy ourselves and have a great meal. It's no coincidence that that's exactly what happened. Okay, you're probably wondering what does this have to do with creating better marriages? Just like in our example-- The answer is--that we can use the power of our intentions to create marriages that are filled with more of what we want rather than what we don't want. Great marriages are created by your intentions, focus, attitude and strategies and skills that you practice moment by moment. So often we either have no positive intention for our experiences or because of negative talk in our heads, we focus on what can go wrong. People often consciously or unconsciously create atmospheres of fear and distance with the people in their lives. What we have discovered is that it's just as easy to create an atmosphere of fun, love and connection as it is to create relationships filled with what we don't want. Some of you might be asking--if it's so easy, why doesn't everybody do it? Many of us have been "programmed" to look for problems before they happen and to focus on what is "wrong" with the situation and not what is "right." Also, as painful as it is to admit, some people hang onto relationships and situations that don't serve them because there's some underlying payoff for being the victim or martyr. That all sounds pretty cruel to say but sometimes this "programming" is so deep within us that we don't even realize what's going on. Here are a few suggestions for creating more positive marriages and a happier, more fulfilled life: 1. No matter what the situation or relationship, create your intention for what you want. It doesn't have to be elaborate. It can simply be saying to yourself--"Here's what I want to happen...." and be excited about it. Actively begin focusing on what you want for your experiences and not what you don't want. 2. Stay open to new possibilities for your marriage and your life. If you intend what you want to happen but are not open to the possibility that your life and marriage can change, they won't. Keep the past in the past and stay focused on the present. 3. Make having fun a priority in your marriage and in your life. Having fun means different things to different people. Figure out what having fun means to you and do those things and create those experiences on a regular basis. A friend of our once commented to us that life is one big adventure. We'd like to add that life can be filled with joy or filled with pain and the choice is up to you. We lovingly invite you to take one step--even a small one-- toward creating what you want this week.