It's Just the Guys
If it's a long-term relationship you want, you absolutely must
be willing to make a few sacrifices to invest in your happy
future with the woman of your dreams. You simply cannot continue
to live the happy-go-lucky life of the single guy and expect to
make your partnership with a woman succeed. It just doesn't work
that way.
Solid relationships take hard work, not just in the beginning,
but throughout your entire life together. Building a solid,
long-term relationship also means making a few sacrifices along
the way. Ask yourself what is most important to you. If your
relationship with your lady is the most important thing...then
you may have to give up certain other aspects of your life to
maintain that relationship and keep it on solid ground.
If you've been "going out with the guys" for a few beers after
work on Friday evenings and have no real intention of giving up
your night out...I'll be quite frank with you. It's going to
take a very, very special woman who will put up with that for
long. She may tell you in the beginning she doesn't mind, and if
you are home at a reasonable hour, you might just be able to
pull it off and keep her happy as well. But don't count on it.
It may all be very innocent in your mind and you can protest
profusely, "But I'm just out with the guys. It's not like I'm
being unfaithful to her or anything." But you are, at least in
her mind...in subtle ways the male brain usually cannot
understand.
We all know that one beer sometimes leads to another and to
another and to another. If you can limit yourself and return
home to your lady early in the evening, perhaps you will never
have any problems with her over your "night out with the guys"
ritual.
But sooner or later, the time may come when, before you know it,
it's midnight and your lady has been home alone all night long.
How long would you stay at home alone every Friday night waiting
on her if she was the one out with her friends? Not for long,
I'll bet. So ask yourself, is it really fair of you to expect
her to sit at home alone while you're out on the town without
her? Think about that and be honest with yourself. What would
you be thinking and feeling if the tables were turned? More
importantly, what would you do about it?
What do guys do when they're out together? Talk about sports?
Maybe. But they look at girls too, right? You may not even talk
to another woman while you're out with your male friends. You
may not even come within ten feet of another woman, but you're
still looking, right? Of course you are. What man doesn't look?
And all women know this.
There is no harm in "just looking". But if you're checking the
girls out, you can bet there are girls who are checking you out
as well. It's the name of the game. Sooner or later, after so
much alcohol has been consumed, you'll let your guard down.
Someone may strike up a conversation. It may not even be you. It
may be one of those girls who's been checking you out or a girl
who sees you in the club at the same time every week.
Women know how to play a man. Men don't always let their brain
do the thinking, especially after a few drinks and a clever
woman knows this. Suddenly, your girl at home isn't even in your
thoughts anymore. You're thinking only of the hot little number
standing next to you in a bar and smells, oh, so good and is
smiling up at you so sweetly. Next thing you know, she's pulling
you out on the dance floor or snuggling up to you. Can you see
where all this may be leading?
OK, OK...so you still go home to your lady who's waiting so
patiently. But now your mind is on the girl you left behind in
the club and you're thinking of what might have been. Even
though you haven't been physically unfaithful to your partner,
you may already have committed adultery in your mind.
But nothing happened, you protest. Maybe not this time and maybe
even not next time. But the seed has been planted. And your
woman knows this. She knows intuitively and senses the subtle
changes which have occurred in your relationship. She may smell
the lingering scent of perfume and she knows that scent wouldn't
be there unless you were having physical contact with someone
else.
Even without the telltale scent of another woman, no matter how
cleverly you may think you're hiding your thoughts, you can't
keep your lady from sensing something has changed. She may not
tell you, but now her mind is working overtime and she's
thinking things over. She may not behave as if anything is
different between the two of you, but deep inside her she knows
something has changed.
Before you know it, she's accusing you of infidelity because she
senses it and sees all the signs of it. It doesn't matter if it
really happened or not. The point is, you've subconsciously
given her some subtle sign that, for one brief moment, your
thoughts were on another woman and now she has reason to doubt
you...especially if she detected the scent of strange perfume on
your shirt. That alone is all the reason she needs to be
suspicious.
An occasional night out with the guys will usually not make a
huge difference in your relationship, particularly if your lady
is open-minded and understanding that you need your time with
the guys. But if you tell her, in so many words, that you are
going to continue going out with the guys on a regular basis
whether she likes it or not, she's simply going to think she's
not very important to you and other things in your life will
take precedence over your relationship with her. That is not a
good seed to plant in her mind if you want to have a long-term
relationship with her.
Most women don't want to control your life or take over your
life completely. After all, she needs her time away from you as
well. She does, however, want to be the center of your life and
more important to you than anything else. If you regularly show
her she's your first priority, it goes a long way toward
building a strong, healthy, trusting relationship with her. By
never giving her reason to feel insecure in the relationship and
proving to her you love her more than anything or anyone else,
she will never have any reason not to trust you and the love you
share will become even stronger.
Copyright 2005 Deborah Willis All Rights Reserved
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