S.T.O.P. ! A four-step strategy for handling conflicts and healing your relationship

Brain researchers have found that when people are angry, scared, or hurt, they're incapable of thinking straight. That's because stress hormones--designed to fuel the fight or flight response--flood the body, causing the rational part of the brain to shut down, and the irrational part to take over. That's why angry people don't talk to each other, they rant and rave. They pout and drink. They work on their trucks, buy expensive shoes, kick in walls, or slap their kids. The STOP Strategy is a process I teach all the couples and families I work with in my family therapy practice. It's a simple method for stopping the hurt, disconnecting so you don't cause harm, cooling down until you're both thinking straight again, and reconnecting from a better place. The best way to learn how The STOP Strategy works is to read through this article (when you're calm) so you'll understand how it works when you really need it. Once you understand the four steps, practice using the strategy whenever little things come up between you and your partner. That way, you'll know the steps by heart when something big happens. This strategy not only works with couples, it also works great with kids. What's different here is that The Stop Strategy isn