Children and Divorce
You and your spouse have decided to end your marriage. Although
this has been a difficult decision for you and your spouse, it
can be a very complicated one for your children. Divorce in many
ways is like facing a death in the family, and a grieving
process takes place for everyone involved. Often times after a
divorce, you need to rediscover who you are, overcome your own
fears and determine how to begin making a new life for you and
your children. Once the grieving process has taken place, don't
assume things will suddenly go smoothly -- especially when you
start dating again. It may be hard for your children to adjust
to the "new you" and patience is key. The process of adapting
may take longer than what you would like and your children's
emotions may be like a roller coaster ride. You have spent years
parenting your children and devoting your life to them. Now that
you are focusing more time on yourself, your children may become
disheartened and insecure. It's extremely important that at this
time you strive to attain a balance in your life and enter this
new phase of your life gradually. Your children will need you
more than ever for support, comfort and reassurance. Many times
children become unsure of themselves and aren't sure where they
fit into your life, but rest assured that eventually they will
come around. As you begin uncovering the new you, it's not wrong
to make time for yourself, but when it seems appropriate,
include your children. You are a mom first, and you would not
want to sacrifice the needs of your children. Maintain moments
of "single" freeness to time with your friends and not in front
of your children. As you begin dating again, feeling silly,
giddy and young, do it in a way that doesn't affect them.
Introducing a lot of casual dates into your children's lives can
cause anxiety and confusion. Reassure them that your date is not
a replacement for "dad" or them. You would not want your
children to feel they are being abandoned. Your children still
need to know that you are the parent and that they can depend on
you to provide the love and emotional stability they need.