How To Identify What The Question "Should I get a divorce?"
Means To You.
Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not is an
agonizing experience to go through. If you are asking yourself
"should I get a divorce?", you've been thinking about your
relationship's state for a while or an isolated incident (an
example is an extramarital affair) that occurred was so
terrible, that you want to just chuck it all and start over with
a new life!
If you have been asking yourself "should I get a divorce?" for
any length of time, you should figure out what is making you
feel that way if you haven't already. Take the time to reflect
back on why you're leaning towards divorce rather than working
out your marriage problem. Once you identify the things that are
making you feel like divorce is the right option, make a list of
those things.
Once you make that list, go back through each item on the list
that led you to asking yourself the question "should I get a
divorce?". Look at each item on the list in depth and make
certain you really deem those items as valid reasons for wanting
a divorce, either in and of themselves or as a part of a common
theme of reasons that make up a whole set.
Once you trim the list down to include only truly 'valid
reasons', rank each reason in order of importance. Identify 2
reasons that hold the most weight to you and that contributed
most to you asking yourself "should I get a divorce?".
After you accomplish this, decide if these reasons seem like
things that can be changed for the better or if they are just
flat out unrecoverable. Soul search and decide whether or not
you are willing to do what it takes to try and fix the problem
that is associated with these reasons.
Example: If one of your reasons for thinking about divorce is
because your spouse is insanely jealous of you having friendly
and/or purely plutonic relationships with members of the
opposite sex, decide whether or not you are willing to socialize
less with members of the opposite sex (or in a different manner)
or do what it takes to ensure that your spouse understands and
believes that you truly love him/her. If you aren't willing to
do either of those things (or anything else it may take to
change the situation), you have some serious long-term thinking
to do about whether you really want to stay married.
If you have been asking yourself "should I get a divorce?" due
to one isolated incident, you should re-live that isolated
incident in your mind and identify why the isolated incident led
you to the way that you feel now.
List the top 5 reasons that this incident hurt you to the extent
it did (thinking about divorce). Then, think about what you feel
the top 5 reasons are that led to the actual incident itself.
This is especially crucial because, even though it may be one
isolated incident that caused you to think about divorce as an
option, the reasons that led to that isolated incident may have
been present for quite a while and need to be dealt with. The
point is, just because one isolated incident 'happened', doesn't
mean the execution of that incident is the true cause of the
problem. Chances are there's much more to it, and finding out
what those things are will help you identify the true story.
If you have been asking yourself "do I want a divorce?" and
haven't prioritized why you feel that way, you aren't ready for
divorce. What you are ready for however, is to go through soul
searching to get to the root of the problem.