Ending Relationships - Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Should you stay with your partner or leave them? Is all the pain
you suffer in your relationship worth it for the good times you
have together? Will it really be worth all the pain of leaving
them or is it better to stay and stick it out?
In most relationships there comes a point when you have to
decide whether your partner really has the qualities you need to
stay together. Making the decision to stay or go is almost
always a very painful and confusing time as there generally
isn't a quick fix or an easy answer to your questions.
I have a friend in a fantastic relationship who taught me that
if it's hard work it's probably not working. This was an alien
concept to me. I come from a therapeutic background which can
sometimes promote the feeling that if it's not hard work it's
not worthwhile. Years ago I made it my mission to figure out
what made relationships work; there seem to be two approaches -
one more successful than the other!
Two Approaches to Relationships
The first is 'don't expect too much from your relationship and
it will work out just fine!' Some things are always going to be
problematic. So what if sex isn't so important to one of you? So
what if one party can't be relied upon to keep their agreements?
So what if you never get to go on the holidays you really want
to go on because your partner hates to travel? This may well
work for some but it's just not in my nature. As far as I'm
concerned, good enough just isn't!
The second approach is to insist on great chemistry; to find a
partner who isn't perfect, but is perfect for you. The two
primary areas you need to match up in are sexual chemistry and
best friend chemistry. You'd think these two would be obvious to
most people, but you'd be wrong. People make compromises on
these points very early on and then wonder why they spend the
rest of their lives hurting.
Great chemistry doesn't mean it'll be easy all the time - that
would be unnatural. It means that you're excited and committed
enough to work through the glitches as they arise rather than
let them stack up. A stack of resentments is so much easier to
set fire to.
Working Out Whether to Leave So the biggest piece of work
I have clients do when they ask me to help them decide to stay
or go is to get them to design their perfect partner. You may
think this strange if you're already in a relationship - but
it's just as valid now as it is when you're single. So, what
would be perfect for you?
The things you should focus on as you're already in a
relationship should be more emotional and behavioural in
quality. Once you've sorted out what is perfect for you, you can
start to ask yourself questions about your current partner to
see if they meet up to your ideal. Does your loved one treat you
with the level of respect you expect? Is he affectionate enough
for you? Does she make enough time for you? These aren't
necessarily questions that apply to you. Ask yourself the
questions that matter to you once you've worked out what ideal
is for you.
A couple more questions you may want to ponder - If twenty years
from now your partner hadn't changed in any significant way,
would you still be happy as their partner? Would you consider
your life together to have been more about adventure or more
about endurance?
The strange thing is we often know what the problems will be in
a relationship many years in advance. The only question is, when
will you handle them? We all know the longer you leave them the
more painful it gets.
Work out now whether you should stay with your partner or leave
them - get a free, 9 page 'Should I Stay or Should I Go?'
report.
http://www.therelationshipgym.com/should_I_stay.htm
It's possibly THE most difficult decision you have to make in a
relationship, so get all the help you can making it.