Falling in Love Is Not for Cowards
You've been dating several weeks, and you have a feeling he
might be the one. He calls when he says he'll call. He shows up
when he says he'll show up. Your friends like him, and he's nice
to your cat. He's doing everything right, and you're pretty sure
he's everything you ever wanted in a man.
But you're not sleeping well. Your hands shake when you pour a
cup of coffee. You're distracted at work. And people keep asking
you, "How's it going with the new romance? When's the wedding?"
You're freaking out.
What's wrong with you?
Well, nothing, really. You've reached the point in a new
relationship where everything seems to be going well, but part
of you is terrified that suddenly it'll end: He'll stop calling.
He'll meet somebody else. You'll discover his dresser drawers
are crammed with women's underwear.
And your fears are right and natural. Every time he does
something right, you fall for him a little more. You're scared
because you've only just met him, you don't really know him, and
he holds your heart in his hands! Your mind races with
questions: If he's so great, why isn't he married? Why didn't
his last relationship last? And so on.
You find yourself fighting the urge to call his parents and
closest friends for character references.
Let's face it. Falling in love is not for cowards. It takes
strength, confidence, and poise. It becomes tempting to dissect
every gesture, every snippet of dialogue with a well-meaning
friend who is only too happy to advise you on your new
relationship.
But don't do it.
Think of your new relationship as a seed you've planted in the
ground. The seed needs time to germinate and break through the
soil, but every time you discuss your relationship with a third
party, you dig it up. The relationship is no longer a
potentially sacred thing between two people but the subject of
speculation for many others. You've robbed it of its specialness
and mystery.
Avoid the temptation to ask a friend, "What do you think he
meant when he said...?" Ask him instead. If he does something
that bothers you, tell him. Keep the relationship between you.
Adopt a "we'll see what happens" attitude. It takes courage,
definitely, but it's worth it. Give your burgeoning relationship
the sun and water it deserves. Only you can decide whether a man
is right for you.
Please trust yourself to do that.