Dating and Divergent Gender Roles
"The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you
can." -Margo Kaufman
Things sure have gotten complicated in dating. Changing gender
roles often leave us confused about how we should interact as
men and women in our relationships. How can a woman be strong,
educated and independent yet remain feminine? How can a man be
sensitive and understanding while maintaining a strong sense of
his own masculinity?
We are so confused in today's culture about the roles men and
women should play that it has taken much of the fun out of
dating. It seems that the ideas of old fashioned dating have
been lost. We see this exemplified in the younger generations
where "hooking up" has all but replaced dating in most instances.
The truth is that there is a distinction between the actions and
objectives of dating and the conditions of being independent,
respected by your peers and having equal rights. Dating is still
about the difference between the sexes. Even though women want
to enjoy the empowerment of equal rights, most still want to be
treated like a woman and pursued by a man. Shifting gender roles
have lead many women to report that they feel unfulfilled in
romance and dating as men have just become too passive.
Women, consider allowing yourself in dating to let the
differences in these roles come alive. When polled, most men
report that they enjoy taking a woman out and enjoy planning
dates. Allow the man you are dating to be a man and show you who
he is and allow yourself to be the woman you are and appreciate
the differences.
Men, consider being more romantic. More and more women are
affirming that even though they desire equality and to be
listened to, they still want to be wanted and swept off their
feet.
Romance doesn't usually increase as a relationship progresses so
if you don't start with any, don't expect it to magically appear
later on. Our journey through unsuccessful relationships and
dating disappointments has lead many of us to approach dating
clinically and detached. The object of dating is to have fun and
get to know someone to see if you want to continue dating and
possibly develop a long-term relationship. We can choose to make
dating more fun while we are searching. Be sexy, romantic and
allow women to be women and men to be men.
Jessica Hanan in her book, "Coping with Changing Roles for Young
Men and Women" put it this way, "People now have more freedom to
make choices for themselves and how they want to live their
lives. Sometimes these choices can be confusing."
I am not suggesting we go back to the days where a woman was
only expected to look pretty and keep quiet, allowing the man to
be everything. What I am saying is that dating can be fun again
when a more traditional view of romance is applied. A man can
respect and be interested in a woman and still be romantic.
Why stop half way when you can have it all? Develop everything
in your life--your education, your career, your independence and
your freedom of choice, thought and expression. Be treated with
respect, courtesy and equality; then after you have all that,
love being a woman and being treated with romance. As a man,
enjoy being more romantic and strong. Then you really will have
it all!