Top Five Communication Tips for Singles
1. Use The 3 Magic Words of Listening- "Is there more?" For most
people, listening is far more challenging than talking. If you
do nothing else, being attentive to what your partner is saying
and using these 3 magic words will make you a star listener. Try
it! Are you wondering what the "3 Magic Words Of Speaking" are?
Simply . "I love you." If you are expressing things that may be
difficult for your partner to hear, be sure to start and end
with these healing words.
2. It's NOT about you! When your partner is expressing a
thought, feeling, need, issue, or judgment, it comes from their
reality, is valid for them, and it is not about you! Most
arguments would never happen if we would simply accept our
partner's point of view and agree to disagree.
3. It's ALL about you! Your thoughts, feelings, needs, issues,
and judgments are your reality, are valid for you, have little
to do with your partner, and many people (including your
partner) are unlikely to see things your way. If you take full
ownership for your experience you will be able to create the
conditions for connection and harmony in just about any
situation with your partner. A fulfilling relationship is about
having, accepting, and negotiating differences, not being
"right," seeking sameness or consensus.
4. Turn complaints into requests We bring many, many needs into
any relationship and will experience an issue when a need is not
met. It is impossible for all needs to be met all the time in
any relationship, so you will have many opportunities to
experience and express issues. Simply making a request and
focusing on what you want to happen, instead of what is wrong or
not happening, and negotiating a "win-win" outcome, will
effectively prevent or resolve conflict.
5. Tell your truth The path to true intimacy and connection is
by being authentic and telling your full truth to your partner
about your thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, issues, boundaries,
etc. Intimacy means, "Into me I see," a transparency between two
people that requires full expression of what is inside. Seeking
to avoid conflict and maintain harmony by censoring yourself can
work for awhile, until your suppressed truth comes out in other
ways, such as withdrawal, resentment, "acting out," etc. Telling
your whole truth can be scary, but will result in the kind of
relationship that you really want