How to recover from a disastrous first date
You know the feeling. You close the door behind you and let out
a big sigh. It didn't go well. In fact, it was a disaster.
First dates are stressful even when everything goes right. When
you or the other person messes up, a couple hours can seem like
an eternity. But after the date is over, what you do next can
etch the bad experience into your mind or help you overcome it.
Here are some things you can do to recover from a disastrous
first date.
1. Forgive yourself.
Most of us, when under stress, do things we wouldn't normally
do. If you talked too much--or not enough--if you laughed too
much, if you overreacted to some statement, or if you behaved in
a way that was out of character for you, don't beat yourself up.
We're often harder on ourselves than we would be on another
person. Show some compassion toward yourself. Acknowledge that
you did the best you could under the circumstances. Admit that
it's natural to feel nervous on a first date. Remember that
nobody is perfect, and if you didn't act like you should have,
it isn't the end of the world. Be kind to yourself by not
falling into the self-punishment trap. It's important to
recognize that negative reaction and cut it off as quickly as
possible. If you can't seem to be objective about it, talk it
over with a trusted friend.
2. Forgive the other person.
If you're a decent judge of character, you can usually tell when
someone was motivated by nervousness or lack of confidence. Just
as you shouldn't be too hard on yourself, you shouldn't beat up
the other person either. By taking for granted that first dates
usually don't go well, you take a big step forward in emotional
maturity. Some people approach first dates with the idea that
they're something to get over with and put in the past. The
anxiety of trying to impress the other person frequently causes
something to go wrong. Unless the other person was abusive or
rude, they deserve a second chance.
3. Be prepared to move on.
If you did something awkward or that warrants an apology,
sending flowers is a polite thing to do. And yes, men love to
receive flowers! But be prepared if the other person doesn't
wish to see you again, then don't pester them. Unwanted pursuit
of another person is stalking. No matter how much you like the
other person or are attracted to them, stop it. You'll only
embarrass yourself or get in trouble with the law.
4. Don't let the experience affect your self-confidence.
See yourself as a worthwhile, attractive person. You have many
good qualities, and just because this person didn't recognize
them, that doesn't mean there isn't someone else out there who
can. If the other person doesn't want to see you again, they
represent only their opinion, not everyone's of the opposite
sex. A person who believes in himself or herself exudes an
attractiveness that can't be faked.
5. Look for the lesson.
You are a work-in-progress. Wisdom is the sum of knowledge and
experience, so take those two and figure out what you can learn
from that first date. We all make mistakes, but if we're wise,
we won't make the same mistake twice. Make up your mind to do
things differently the next time, or if you weren't to blame,
decide not to feel guilty when things don't work out. You
deserve someone who will appreciate you for who you really are.
Resolve, above everything else, to be kind, honest, and
authentic. Eventually you'll meet someone with those same
qualities, and that's when the real fun begins!