TALKING OUT THE DETAILS
Deciding to swing can be an interesting conversation to have for
a couple. You might feel awkward or nervous about what the other
person will say to you.
But what if they say yes? What if they say they've been thinking
about it too?
Well, it's time to figure out what those thoughts will mean with
your new friends. We'll start out with a private conversation
and then move onto talking out fantasies with another couple.
One On One
As a couple that wants to try swinging, you need to be very
clear about the things that will be 'okay' to do and the things
that will not. Of course, there are some couples that just want
to share everything and that's fine too.
But it's figuring out these kinds of boundaries (or lack
thereof) ahead of time that will save you from jealousy and
other complications.
What do you want? I'm sure that you have a few dirty little
fantasies in your head. This is the time to share them. And if
you're nervous, you can even write them down and have your
partner read them. Knowing that they're 'out there' can help the
conversation move along much smoother.
But you do need to be able to talk about the possibilities of
sex, oral and vaginal. Perhaps you want to explore anal sex or
being with the same gender.
Say it clearly what you want to do. There really can't be
surprises in swinging.
Or, you may want to write everything that you want to do out on
note cards and then give the note cards to your partner. In one
pile, you can keep what is allowed and in the other you can
denote things that aren't allowed.
Give the cards back to your partner and discuss things that are
not allowed to understand the reasoning.
This is a great marriage and relationship tool above
all--compromise and discussion.
Talking With The Other Couple
Whether you've met online or at a swinging club, you need to
sort out the rules of play with the other couple as well.
Going into a swinging experience knowing the expectations of
everyone will help make it a fulfilling and gratifying time. You
don't want to have one couple having all the fun, do you?
Maybe there's a role playing scene that would involve
everyone--you would certainly have to talk this kind of thing
out. Everyone has to be on board to participate. And if someone
isn't, then they have to be comfortable observing such a scene.
Be honest. Be brutally explicit in your descriptions of what you
want to do and have done to you.
If you find that the other couple isn't as excited about working
with your fantasies, then you may want to look for someone else.
Swinging should be a group experience and a group adventure.
No one should ever feel left out of the fun.
And let me tell you, just the conversation can be stimulating.
Try to meet in a public place so you don't jump right into the
plans. But if you do, I won't tell.