Friends with Benefits - Can it work?
Is there ever such a thing as "No Strings Attached?" Can a
friendship between two people withstand casual sex? Or is that
just an idealistic concept?
One night stands aren't as in as they used to be. Now lovers are
coupling up for more long term sex. It's called "Friends with
Benefits". They get all the benefits of a relationship without
the commitment. They start out as friends. They enjoy each
other's company and then one night start sleeping together.
They don't date. It's not a traditional "significant other" type
relationship. In many cases, the other friends don't even know
about their sex on the side. It's set up as a mutual
gratification, friends helping friends arrangement.
What most Friends with Benefits fail to do is set up the rules.
It generally starts out as either happenstance or perhaps a
small dialog exchange, "I don't have anyone, you don't either,
so let's do it, no strings attached. What do you think?" It all
sounds well in good; at least initially when both are hornier
than a unicorn. But can friends who sleep together remain
friends once it ends? Or is the start of mutual sex the start of
the end of their friendship?
Sex creates a bond, no matter how discussed up front it is.
Someone always gets hurt in the end of a no strings attached,
Friends with Benefits arrangement. Booty Calls always start out
with mutual orgasms as the sole purpose. Yet when two people
share that kind of closeness, and if it's a recurring buddy
booty call, then they spend time together. Someone is doing
something very intimate with and to the other. Who isn't always
appreciative of a good orgasm?
One or both may know that they don't want a commitment and
that's why the No Strings Attached agreement was conceived. But
when the "ooh baby, ya that feels so good, I love what you do to
me" occurs regularly, how can they NOT start to feel something
for the other? One person will inevitably feel a stronger
emotional bond than the other; it's not male/female bias. One
will still only love the physical benefits and the other will
enjoy the great sex so much that they get attached, even though
they weren't looking for any relationship.
Or perhaps one person may have always been secretly attracted to
the friend and knew the other didn't want a relationship, yet
figured a Friends with Benefits arrangement was better than
nothing. Hence they verbally agreed to the arrangement but
emotionally they were already hooked.
Develop some rules before entering into any such arrangement.
Consider these suggestions: No going out with each other unless
it's in a group situation or you know the night will end in sex,
therefore the outing is part of foreplay, no public affection,
no gifts and any other boundaries you want to instill. Before it
starts, decide how it will end. If starting out as friends, the
goal is to end as friends. If new love interests were previously
discussed among friends, shouldn't those types of conversations
still be allowed?
Use your head to consider wisely what may be lost if you enter
into a Friends with Benefits arrangement.