Moving On: Surviving a Break Up
One of the most difficult things a person can endure is the loss
of a relationship. While the death of a loved one eclipses this
loss, a break-up is also, in its own rights, a permanent loss.
The relationship, which was once alive and filled with hope has
now ceased to exist, leaving at least one of the people involved
filled with emptiness and sadness. The following words are
intended to provide insight, comfort, and (in our fondest hopes)
encouragement. They are directed to the individual who knows
that reconciliation is not an option.
When I hear from someone who is going through a romantic
breakup, my heart truly breaks for them. Someone they loved is
no longer theirs to love and the sadness in their words tells
of, not only hearbreak, but a loss of self as well. It seems
that one cannot go through a romantic loss without feeling that
it's their fault, or that something is wrong with them. Before
going any further, let's put an end to that myth immediately.
People of all weights, heights, classes, looks and sizes have
people who love them. There is no one "mold" that love-worthy
people are cut from. Anyone who would insist on someone fitting
into a certain mold isn't worth your time, let alone your heart.
(More times than not, they aren't exactly cut from Brad Pitt or
Angelina Jolie's cloth, either!)
In general, breakups happen because the two simply can't find
happiness together. Either one or the other realizes that they
aren't a perfect match and they decide that it's time to move
on. Often they move on, emotionally, long before they move on
physically. Aloofness, coldness, a tendency to start arguments
are all signs of someone beginning to pull away.
Even though it can be the hardest thing in the world to do, you
have to let them go. If you plus him or her do not add up to
both of you being happy, the equation isn't meant to be. For
your own sake, as well as theirs, let go and move on - allowing
them to do the same. The man or woman of your dreams may be just
around the corner waiting for you. If you don't move on, you'll
never find them!
How do you deal with the sadness in the meantime? First of all,
stop kicking yourself. You are worthy of being loved! This
particular relationship failed, you didn't. Learn from this
lesson and move past it. Don't keep thinking about this person,
by doing so you're just giving them more and more power to hurt
you.
There's a great saying, "If you want a certain trait, act as
though you all ready have it." I can't overstate how much truth
lies in these words. Act as though you've moved on, and before
you know it - you will have moved on. When you see this person
in public, don't look at them waiting for them to see you or
speak - just go about your business, smile and live your life.
Life's too short and precious not to be lived with a smile on
your face.
Whatever you do, don't let thoughts of making this person
jealous, or thoughts of bitterness enter into your mind. You're
much better than that! Just keep saying, "I'm moving on." Pretty
soon, you will have done just that.
In the meantime, keep busy. Volunteer to work more hours, if
that's an option. Choose an author who you've never read before
and start reading each and every one of their books. John
Grisham, Dean Koontz, Nicholas Sparks - they each have plenty of
great books to choose from. Koontz, alone, has a gazillion you
could tackle. He's my personal favorite author, so I may be
biased, but I'd grab "Watchers", "Midnight" or "Odd Thomas" and
then move on from there. When reading Koontz, you can't feel
anything but goosebumps. If you're a little timid, stick with
Sparks (my next favorite) - he's incredibly gifted but without
the demons, monsters, aliens, etc.
If you have someone to talk to, do so. But try to move past
conversations centering around the loss as soon as possible.
Concentrate on what you have rather than what you've lost.
Above all, remember, love will come around again. But if you're
looking BACk you'll miss it! Look forward, wear your best smile,
and concentrate on getting the most from life. This sort of
mentality and lifestyle will attract the sort of person you need
in your life. The sort of person who'll make you smile so much
your face hurts. He or she is out there waiting for you, maybe
even going through what you're going through right now. The
sooner you move on, the sooner you'll find real, lasting love.
You deserve it!
(c)2005, The Mental Fitness Center.