Playing The Dating Game To Win
DATE. The dictionary defines this word as, "an engagement to go
out socially with another person, often out of romantic
interest." When two people meet and share a mutual interest in
exploring something more, they usually arrange a date. Simple,
right? Apparently not.
Dating today seems to have taken on a number of different
meanings and contexts, depending upon whom you talk to. Many
singles verbalize uncertainty about the who, what, when, where
and how's of dating. Somewhere along the way the game changed
and the old rules were forgotten or lost. What's a single person
in search of a relationship to do?
The answer will depend upon what an individual's relationship
needs and goals are. If someone is playing for fun, there may be
few if any rules. If they are playing to win, the rules will
matter, as the stakes for them are high. Much of the confusion
and difficulty seems to occur when two individuals with
different goals meet and make plans to get together.
So, how can someone play the dating game in a way that maximizes
their chance of meeting their relationship expectationsThey must
decide IN ADVANCE what their (long term) goals for dating are
and what is and is not acceptable for them from any future
partner and relationship. Then they must make conscious,
self-serving decisions regarding the who, what, when, where and
why questions that arise.
In order to assist you with these important choices, I have
designed a pre-date checklist. It's a basic primer that will
help you to meet and date compatible singles who are in a
similar dating place (at the present time) as you are. Some
careful thought beforehand will help you to avoid making
impulsive and/or poorly thought out choices that can lead to the
kinds of headaches and heartaches that are detailed in the many
emails I receive.
Pre-Date Checklist:
* Am I dealing with any unresolved (past) issues that impact my
ability to have a healthy social/dating life?
* At this time am I interested in meeting a lot of people and
dating for fun and experience or am I looking for a serious
involvement?
* Do I know the best ways/places to meet people who share my
present dating expectations and goals?
* Do I have a rough list of attributes/characteristics that I am
looking for in a partner (if applicable) or a person I'd want to
date?
* Do I have "rules" that are in line with my dating expectations
and goals? If so, am I able to be consistent in following them?
* Am I upfront and clear in my communication with singles in
whom I have an interest in dating?
* Am I comfortable (and appropriate) in expressing my
disinterest in dating (or continuing to date) someone?
* Do I think through the possible consequences beforehand of
drinking too much, agreeing to leave alone with someone I have
just met and any other reckless and/or impulsive behaviors?
A healthy, successful dating life requires making CONSCIOUS
choices that are based on a strong self-knowledge and good
self-esteem. If you have a past dating pattern that is
characterized by first dates that go nowhere; promises of calls
to get together that never come; first meetings that leave you
wondering what went wrong when the connection felt so right; and
other dating disasters- then I urge you to try utilizing the
pre-date checklist and doing some work on yourself first, in
order to help change your dating luck and chances of
relationship success.