Living Life in the Shadow of Death
In the Toltec tradition the angel of death plays a significant
role in a warrior's life. If anyone can be depended upon to set
our priorities straight and keep our minds clear, it's death.
Why? Simply because we have a habit of proceeding in our lives
as if we have forever to live, acting as if things can wait
until tomorrow to be resolved. But this is not truth. We have no
idea when our last moment will be.
Recently one of my apprentices didn't show up for a group class
that I teach monthly in Atlanta. I was unable to reach her by
phone or by email. Luckily, I had her work number and was able
to communicate with a lovely woman in her office. With all the
kindness in her heart she informed me that my apprentice had
passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. I felt so blessed to be
able to know this angel, even if it was for a short period of
time.
Her death touched me deeply. I again pondered what it means to
live as a warrior rather than a person sleep-walking through
life. Since I started the Toltec path I've changed so many of my
nonchalant behaviors and attitudes. I created a will so that my
family has instructions as to my wishes. My business is in neat
files so that anything that is needed can be easily found. Bills
that have not been paid are in a "to be paid file," and those
that are paid are neatly filed with the credit card that paid
for them. At the end of every day I clean my desk so that
everything is in order. These are some of the work things I do
so that all transactions are completed by days end.
In addition, I no longer leave life's issues unresolved. Back in
the old days if I had an argument with someone I would wait
until I calmed down to address the situation and often stewed
about it for long periods of time before I felt able to forgive
and communicate again. Now all scores are tallied and debts are
paid at the end of each day. A warrior never leaves business
undone for others to follow up on as he takes total
responsibility for his or her life.
Ask yourself this question: Why argue with the people you love
if there is a possibility that you cannot make amends before you
die? Certainly any of us would be saddened if we had a fight
with a friend and one of us died before we could say "I'm
sorry." If we lived our lives as if they could end at any moment
we would be very careful about what we said and did. We wouldn't
be working under the assumption that we had forever to atone for
our words and deeds.
As an experiment, spend one day pretending that you are going to
die tomorrow. For one day communicate with people as if it were
your last day. Do your best to live your life fully and
completely for the day, savoring the sweet taste of life and
those you love. What you may find is that you aren't fully
present in your life and that you're waiting for a better day to
come. Well guess what, today is that better day and you might
not get to experience tomorrow. Living life from this point of
view will empower you to find your happiness and peace in every
moment because who the heck wants to waste their last day on
earth in conflict with others? Not me!