Perspective on a Loved One's Death...and Life
My mom just passed away recently. It was a very quick death; the
result of a fast-moving cancer. We had no idea that she was so
sick; neither did she. I am thankful, however, that she loved
God. I am assured of her salvation. I know that I will see her
again someday and that gives me some comfort. But still, I miss
her in my life here on earth.
After her funeral, my sister and I began the painful process of
going through her things and deciding who would get what. I am
grateful that it went smoothly; there were no arguments about
who would get her china or jewelry. She had a lot of valuables
but mostly it was sentimental items that we wanted. Each one of
us, my brother, sister and I, had our own special memories of
one thing or another and so it was healing to go through each
item and remember.
The best thing about that time, though, was the time we spent
with each other, my family and I, remembering. I think my
mom probably liked that as she paused in her rejoicing from
heaven and watched us. Later, as I told this to a friend, she
began to reflect on how important family is; that there really
is nothing more valuable than family.
Family really is more important than anything. I thought
about my mom and her "valuables" and what she really valued.
Before she died, we had a few days to say goodbye as the cancer
took over her internal organs. As she was dying, she asked us
not to fight over anything once she was gone and I am proud to
say that we honored her request. I realize that the most
important thing to her, at the end of her life and all
through her life, was family.
She loved her family, both immediate and extended, more than
anything. Her last days were spent at a hospice facility. What a
wonderful place to be at a time like that. She was able to say
goodbye to everybody she loved. One by one they came in to her
room that looked like her home and she talked with them as they
cried. She loved them; they loved her. I have to admit that
for me, it was painful to watch her say goodbye so many
times. I told my sister and brother that it was like
watching her die over and over again. I finally had to leave her
side because I just couldn't take it anymore.
Well, it wasn't about me. It was about her. It was her chance to
let her family know just how much they meant to her. And she
could also see how much she meant to them. That was a blessing
to her in her final, painful hours.
She finally died with my sister at her side, just the way she
wanted. My sister gave her eulogy and she remarked how each one
of us was symbolic of our mom's mind, body and spirit. My
brother's role was as her mind because he took care of her
financial needs. My sister's role was as her body, because she
took care of all her physical needs, such as doctor visits and
the like. Finally, my role was as her spirit because we were
just so alike. We were so much alike that we fought a lot in
this life here on earth. We recognized it, finally, as we both
got older and we made peace with each other. But I am, more than
the two of them, just like her in spirit. And I am proud to say
that I inherited her faith in God and that is what is getting me
through the painful process of grieving over her death. It's
hard not to have her with us here on earth but I know that I'll
see her again. I do love you, mom, I'll see you in heaven!
Copyright 2005 by Eunice Coughlin