"If you can't be happy where you are, maybe you need to move!"
Every time I give a talk about life transition, someone
invariably calls to say, "I believe happiness is inside us. If
you can't be happy here, you can't be happy anywhere."
I have to resist the temptation to shout, "Aaargh!"
We all know people who never seem to be happy. They move from
one town to another. Maybe they keep changing jobs. It's
tempting to say something like, "People your age always have
trouble when they move to a new community." Or, "Very few people
enjoy their jobs -- get used to it!"
Both of those statements are true. However, some people really
will be happier in New York City than in a small town in Iowa,
and vice versa. Some people have managed to choose a career that
clashes with their personalities, talents and needs. When they
move, they're happier almost immediately.
But don't be too quick to tell yourself (or your friend), "So,
move already! Stop complaining!"
If you've had several unhappy moves, identify the underlying
cause. You may simply be a restless person who needs a career
and lifestyle that offers variety. You may be an outgoing,
lively person, in a career or town that rewards quiet, reserved
communication styles. You may be a morning person in a world
that demands staying awake past midnight and sleeping till noon.
At the first sign of discontent, begin some reality-testing. Ask
at least six people (the Goodwin Rule of Six) how they feel.
Word your questions carefully: "I love it here. What do you
think?" Newcomers can find themselves labeled M for
"malcontent," even when they ask the most innocent questions.
You may need only a quick fix. I've seen people blossom when
they transfer to a new department or move six blocks away. But
you may have identified a deeper discontent.
Once you've identified the source, find a friend you trust. Tell
that friend, "If I tell you I'm tempted to move again, remind me
why I was miserable here."
Most friends -- along with many professional advisors -- are
reluctant to become wet blankets who smother your dreams. Yet if
you're trying to avoid repeating a mistake, a large bucket of
ice water may save you from drowning when you dive into your
next pond.