2 Key Factors That Impact Your Parenting Style
Being a parents is the toughest job you'll ever love!
I know that I love being a Mom but I also know how tough it is.
I am comforted in knowing that I'm not the only one challenged
by this role (certainly every parent I've ever talked to has
questions and concerns) and I'm always seeking more information
to help me be a better parent.
One concept that really helped me define my own parenting style
involves identifying the two key factors that impact parenting
style -- these are simply the level of control and the level of
warmth involved in your relationship with your child.
Control refers simply to how much power you exercise over your
child's behavior. Do you have strict rules that your child is
expected to obey? How do you respond to disobedience?
Warmth does not mean the intensity of your love for your child
but rather how it is demonstrated. Do you frequently (at several
points during the day) show your love to your child through
kisses and cuddles, time spent in a joint activity, and words of
love and praise?
Your parenting style is then reflected by combining these two
factors together to form one of four parenting types:
~ High Control - High Warmth
~ Low Control - High Warmth
~ High Control - Low Warmth
~ Low Control - Low Warmth
Obviously this is oversimplified as parents don't fall 100
percent into any category and certainly circumstances and events
alter how a parent reacts.
For example, I would consider my husband and I both high control
but there is certainly a variation in the level of control we
exert. Also, where we are and what we are doing impacts the
level of control that I exert. I have a certain expectation of
behavior at church, for example, and am a little less rigid when
visiting friends. At home, if I have work to do then I am pretty
strict about behavior but when it is play time then I relax the
rules a bit.
Similarly, I would rate both my husband and I as high warmth but
we demonstrate that warmth very differently. I often kiss and
cuddle our son as well as express my love verbally through
loving words and appreciation. My husband does kiss and cuddle,
but on a much more restricted basis; however they will spend
time playing together just the two of them every day and they
have several little rituals that reinforce their strong bond.
Taking a look at these two key factors and applying them to your
relationship with your child can help you identify your
strengths and weaknesses as a parent which can then in turn help
you identify what needs to be improved. After all, as a parent
your end goal is to raise a happy, healthy, successful child and
to reach that goal you need to be the best parent you can be.