Movie Review: WHEN A STRANGER CALLS (2006)

When it comes to delivering scares, When a Stranger Calls is about as effective as the UN during a major humanitarian crisis. Director Simon West (Con Air, Tomb Raider) doesn't do much by way of creating suspense other than making some sudden noises and playing the what's-beyond-the-dark-corner/doorway trick, which becomes tedious in a hurry. And then there are the phone calls. What's meant to create tension and dread simply becomes irritating. The phone just rings again, and again, and AGAIN. Most people would be mighty fed up if they were interrupted by phone calls every 5 minutes, yet protagonist and uber-hottie Jill Johnson (played by Camilla Belle) consistently and patiently picks up the receiver every time after fielding more calls than Donald Rumsfeld on a Monday morning.

Anyway, the story of When a Stranger Calls is pretty straightforward. Soon after the opening credits, following a brief introduction of the villain's messy killing habits, we meet the lovely Jill. Like most teenagers, she's a midriff-baring track star, a good student, and a pretty good artist too. Oh, and she just happens to be hotter than most magazine cover girls. Like I said, a typical teen. Right. Whatever. She also has two cute midriff-baring friends who appear to be from planet WB, and of course, there's the ex-boyfriend Bobby (Brian Geraghty, who I guess is supposed to be cute too) for whom she still has feelings. Life is tough for Jill. She's angry at one of her friends for kissing Bobby, angry at Bobby for allowing himself to be kissed by her friend, and to top it all off she's been grounded by her dad (Clark Gregg) for using 800 excess minutes on her cell phone. As punishment for this heinous deed, she is forbidden from going out or using the phone for an entire month. I'd hate to see what would happen if she'd flushed a cherry bomb down a toilet or gave her ex-boyfriend a wedgie, but alas dear reader, this movie is only rated PG-13. As a "lesson in responsibility," Jill's dad makes her baby-sit for Mr. and Mrs. Mandrakis (Derek de Lint and Kate Jennings Grant, respectively), a well-to-do couple. After Jill shows up to the Mandrakis residence wearing a tight orange top, Mrs. Mandrakis immediately gives her a tour of the place. During said tour, Jill and the audience are pleasantly introduced to the enormous house, complete with big scary spaces, dark hallways, a murky lagoon, and a faulty alarm system. Gee, I wonder what's going to happen in the next hour? We also learn that the Mandrakis' have two small children (who probably wear the same shirt size as Jill) who are recovering from the flu and will therefore be sleeping in their room throughout most of the movie- I mean, evening. Their room, as one might guess, is conveniently located in a spooky part of the house where no one in their right mind would want to go after dark. We then meet Chester the cat. And it's strange how cats in horror movies have a tendency to knock stuff over and make more noise than a drunken hippo in a glassware shop. Finally, the Mandrakis' are also kind enough to employ Rosa (Rosine Hatem), a cheerful housekeeper whose sole purpose is to turn up dead at some point in the near future.

As night falls and the scary music ramps up, the house begins looking more and more ominous. Then come the deluge of phone calls. At first they are innocuous: the Madrakis' checking in, a goofy prank call, then friends via cell phone who are at a place where the bad reception produces annoying crackling noises like a Geiger counter going off in Iran. But I thought Jill was forbidden from using the phone? But wait! This movie is PG-13 so she's allowed to get around those things! The incessant ringing becomes slightly more interesting because of one caller (voiced by Lance Henriksen) who is unknown to Jill. He doesn't say much- instead, most of the time he just breathes then hangs up. I don