Get That Resounding "YES!"
My husband and I recently spent a weekend at a bed and breakfast
inn in New Hampshire. One of the selling points of this
particular B&B was that the room had its own fireplace. When we
came back from dinner, I set about making a fire for us. I'm not
exactly Mountain Woman, but I know how to make a pretty good
fire. Try as I might, though, I could not get this one going.
Neither could my husband . . . until he figured out what was
wrong. He said, "There isn't enough draft from the flue. We have
to open some windows." Which of course made perfect sense:
midwinter in New Hampshire, open some windows to let in some
cold air so we can have a nice cozy fire! One thing I've learned
being married for 28 years is that the path with heart doesn't
always "make sense." He opened some windows a bit and in no time
we had a rip-roaring fire.
Lighting and tending a fire requires attention and skill.
Sometimes the fire gives dramatic cues - a spray of sparks, a
burst of flame. And sometimes the cues are subtle - as in the
case of the missing draft.
Igniting and tending the fires of personal intention also
require attention and skill. Getting the fire going in the first
place typically requires three elements:
-- Clarify your intention.
-- Identify some next steps.
-- Get started taking those next steps.
The greater challenge seems to come during next stage, which
requires that you:
-- Take the action.
-- Listen to the information that the action produces.
-- Apply that information to determine your next step.
This stage can last a very long time. You essentially repeat
these steps until you reach your intended goal, change your
intention, or lose heart and let the fire go out. Did you know
that the most common reason people let the fire go out is that
they haven't learned how to listen to, and apply the feedback
from their actions?
Here's an example. A small business owner I worked with several
years ago wanted to increase her customer base. Although her
marketing strategy was delivering very poor results, she
remained stubbornly committed to it because, as she put it, "it
should be working." Meanwhile, her business was dropping off and
she was getting more and more discouraged. Her fire was going
out, but she was unwilling to move the logs around, use the
bellows, or put on another log. I could not convince her to use
the feedback. She eventually stopped working with me and closed
the business.
Another client of mine used "negative" feedback much more
effectively. Her intention was to strengthen her boundaries at
work and to stop doing other people's jobs at the expense of her
own. This meant going against her natural instinct, which was to
always help other people. When she started paying closer
attention, she noticed that she felt angry when she was doing
work that she didn't want to be doing. She learned to use the
anger as a cue. As soon as she noticed herself feeling angry,
she would step back and ask herself whose work she was doing.
Ninety-nine percent of the time, the anger signaled that she was
doing someone else's work. She would then do something about it,
such as return the work to the person whose job it was. Over
time she became quite skilled at this and learned to not take it
on in the first place unless she really wanted to and had the
time for it.
THE FEEDBACK OF "YES"
It's just as important to honor the positive feedback - no
matter how subtle or unusual it looks. While engaged in some
activity, you may feel flow, or you may have the sense that
you're just getting going and you don't want to stop. This is
feedback that you are on course. Don't discount it. Let it in.
It will fan the flames of your intention. Or you may notice a
delightfully synchronous occurrence. As my friend Chris sat in
her mountain home writing about her connection with animals, her
cats gathered outside her window, looked toward her and meowed.
This is the feedback of "yes."
And every once in a while, your action will result in what I
call a "huge nod from the universe." You will experience a
resounding "yes!" A client of mine had a very clear intention to
reach more people with her work. One of her action steps was to
hold a series of workshops. Several things happened. First, a
local retail store decided to sponsor and publicize her
workshops. Second, the turnout for these workshops was high.
Third, the response at these events was very enthusiastic. Her
energized, excited participants swarmed around her after the
workshops to express their appreciation and gratitude. They
became private clients, they signed up for her clinics, and they
came back to her subsequent workshops with friends in hand. Can
you imagine how this positive feedback affected the fire of her
intention??? Like putting a match to crumpled newspaper under
kindling. Foooooom! A HUGE flame!
Sometimes the huge nod from the universe seems to come from
within you: the creative breakthrough you experience after
writing every day for several months; the blast of exhilaration
you feel finishing your first Walk for Hunger; the sheer fun of
finally "getting" swing dance in your body. These are vivid
experiences of affirmation. The message is clear: "keep doing
this."
Possibly the hardest feedback to interpret is what feels like no
feedback at all. You see minimal results - neither a yes nor a
no. Often this means there just isn't enough information yet.
Hang in there, keep doing what you're doing, and pay attention.
Sooner or later, you'll receive the critical mass of information
you need. I urge you to pay attention to the information your
actions generate in a way that keeps the fires of your intention
burning. If your actions are producing satisfying results, know
that you are on course, and see if you can turn it up a notch.
If your actions are not bringing satisfying results, do
something different. You may need to open a window!
COACHING TIPS:
Answer these questions:
1. What are you working on, currently?
2. What action steps are you taking toward reaching your goal?
3. What is the feedback from taking these steps?
4. Are you using that feedback to determine your next steps?
If you're considering hiring a coach to help you with challenges
like these contact me at sharon@stcoach.com for an initial
consultation at no charge.
Copyright 2003 Sharon Teitelbaum. All rights reserved.