A sharp word or a harsh tone of voice can be devastating to those who are extremely sensitive. I know because I'm one of those sensitive individuals. When someone raises their voice to me I get a tingling sensation at the base of my spine that permeates my whole being. At times I have to fight back the tears. The hurt seems to be deep enough to touch my very soul. I can't explain why I react the way I do. I only know how I feel. It's not always easy to explain feelings even for a trained psychologist which I certainly am not.

In my younger years I developed a system to keep from getting hurt. I built a wall around myself and didn't let anyone inside. In fact, I didn't let anyone get close at all. The wall still stands although it is no longer quite as high or as strong as it once was. When I felt that someone was going to say something hurtful to me, I would instinctively say something hurtful to them first. It was my way of protecting myself. In my heart, I knew this was wrong but it's only natural that when we're hurt we want to hurt back. If we could all practice the art of forgiveness on a regular basis we could virtually eliminate personal conflict and eradicate war. Unfortunately, to be able to fully forgive with one's whole heart is not quite as easily done as it is to pass the words through our lips.

It wasn't until many years later that I realized the value and importance of forgiveness. As people enter and exit our lives we don't often express our true feelings to many of them. We leave things unsaid that fester within us like a wound that becomes infected. We wrestle with guilt that plagues our consciousness but we can heal our inner wounds with the salve of forgiveness. Even if someone has moved on from this life and we cannot directly ask their forgiveness, we can forgive ourselves.

In time I also came to the realization that those who hurt others are in reality hurting themselves. This is a universal law. Nature has its own natural balance that exists in all things. We are taught to forgive because forgiveness is the healing elixir for the festering wound of anger that eats away at us. When Jesus healed people, he told them they were forgiven. When we hurt others we hurt ourselves. When we carry anger or hatred in our hearts we are destroying ourselves. Forgiveness serves the greatest good.

We have to understand that wisdom comes to all in time. There are many reasons why people do and say hurtful things. Sometimes things are done out of straight forward maliciousness; other times they are done out of self-preservation. We allow our own defense mechanism to kick in. We hurt others out of our own insecurities. We have to take a long look inward and realize that our actions not only affect those who they are directed toward but that they return to whence they came. Our actions come back to us and that knowledge alone should be enough to propel us to a more loving, forgiving nature.

I'm still sensitive to harsh tones and rude words but I'm a little more understanding and tolerant than I was in the past. Sure, I still get mad. I'm human and anger is a human emotion but I no longer let the anger fester within me like that growing wound I mentioned before. I acknowledge the fact that I am angry and I evaluate the reason why I am angry. Then I let go of the anger. I forgive the person who made me angry ( that is not always easy) and I forgive myself for my actions and reactions in response to the situation. I have come to understand that everything happens for a reason and there is a lesson to be learned in every situation. If there were never anything or anyone to forgive how would we learn the very valuable lesson of forgiveness?

Darlene Zagata is a freelance writer and author of two books, "Aftertaste: A Collection of Poems" and "The Choosing." She is also a monthly columnist and editor for the print publication Moon Shadows Magazine. Visit Darlene's website at http://darlenezagata.tripod.com or contact Darlene at darzagata@yahoo.com