Ask Zanders ...

I suppose the first thing you should know is that I am one of those creatures that you have come to loathe. Yes, one of those physically minded, emotionally challenged, wastes of space you call men. Secondly, I am on your side in this matter! Ahh, that's quite an unnerving thought isn't it? Well, let me be the first to state that men are dogs. Not that women can't be too, but the overwhelming consensus is that men are more apt to wander.

Now that we have that straight, let's get to the bottom of what this is all about. It's about healing, getting even, making sure you are ok, making sure the kids understand what happened, understanding that you can go on, you are not gaining weight, you can be loved again, and it does get better with time.

What I give you in the insight and perspective from the mans point of view. When we share things together, I will listen intently like you feel he never did, but I will also answer you bluntly like he always probably wanted to. The real business at hand if you will, is to make you understand that you are a beautiful and unique creature and that life will go on! I want you to be able to vent, cry, laugh, and give the meanest look you possibly can. They say that all problems, including infidelity, is a two way street, but I tend to disagree. If the man was in bed with another woman and it is a two way street, then honey we missed the detour sign back a few miles.

What is my experience? Great question indeed. I have 40 years experience in being a man and graduated with honors from testosterone university. I love to talk, love to listen, have some tact, but not an over abundance of it and am blunt 99% of the time. I love to get even and I even like to put "him" on the spot when it's possible (you would be surprised what happens when man talks to man...I know kinda cavemanish).

Before I end this brief introduction, I want to let you know that before I became the human shoulder for my ailing sisters in distress, I too was hurt. Many years ago I was jilted by my fiancee. Not only did I not "take it like a man", I sat on her porch indian style, clawed at the screen, and begged to be taken back (even though I cauht her with another man). Needless to say, many panic attacks and tears later, I realized that I could love again and be loved, I could be even more successful, and it wouldn't take forever to feel good again.

Ladies, I am here for you. I would love to hear your situation and give you a mans perspective. I mean it may not be what you want to hear, but it will most likely be what the guy is thinking. Let me be an ear and a shoulder for you. I promise, we will get through this together. Send your questions via email to askzanders@comcast.net