"Why can't you be more like (fill in the blank)."

The infamous comparisons. Why do we do this to our kids?

This one goes under the heading of all the things we will never say to our childen. And then these things come bursting from our mouths.

Sometimes I want to turn around and see if my parents are standing behind me speaking.

This one worked so well when your parents said it to you, why not pass it down?

This one seems so innocent, and yet can be so disabling.

The message sent

The message sent is that you are not good enough as you are, and must measure up to some other standard in order to be loved.

You may not mean to, and will probably shocked and maybe even offended to hear this, but when you say this you are communicating that your love is conditional.

If you want a clear picture of the results that are possible from comparisons, check out the classic 1980 movie "Ordinary People."

ParentTip One - An alternative would be to ask your teen what characteristics they might like in the person you are tempted to compare them to.

ParentTip Two - Each child has their own unique gifts. Encourage and support them.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring .