The Jewish Wedding Crashers
One of the more popular films of 2005 was the comedy hit "The
Wedding Crashers". It related the antics of two bachelors who
crashed weddings in the hope of meeting eligible women.
Jewish tradition also deals with the issue of unexpected wedding
guests, but of a highly different nature.
A brief look at the three types of visitors who might "crash" a
Jewish wedding provides wonderful insight into the law and lore
of Jewish values, as well as a profound understanding of the
Jewish wedding itself.
The three unexpected "crashers" include departed souls, the
Creator, and the poor and needy.
While conventional texts of Jewish law make almost no mention of
afterlife, according to the Zohar, the classic work of Jewish
mysticism, souls of departed ancestorsm may well be present at
the wedding.
It writes: "Even though his (the groom's) father and mother have
departed from this world, they participate in every
'simcha'(joyous occasion). The Holy One, Blessed Be He, goes to
the Garden of Eden and takes the groom's father and mother, who
are partners with the Creator (in giving birth to the groom) and
brings them along with Him to the simcha. And all of them are
present but the people are unaware."
Other opinions go so far as to say that even the grandparents
and great grandparents are present as well.
What's so remarkable about this passage is not only that the
souls of the departed participate in the wedding, but the
Creator, Himself, takes them by the hand, so to speak, and
personally escorts them to the wedding. And, as if this were not
enough, the Creator too is a guest at every wedding!
Being the skeptic and rationalist that I am , I never placed
much faith in this idea until the birth of my youngest son,
eleven years ago.
Several months before he was born my mother passed away.
When we conducted his "brit milah" (circumcision) eight days
after his birth, as is traditionally done, I had the strangest
feeling that my deceased mother was amongst the celebrants.
I can't explain it, but I felt her presence near. I had never
experienced that feeling prior to this event, nor have I since.
But I'm convinced, on that special morning, she was with us.
The third type of Jewish wedding crashers I've become accustomed
to see are more prevalent in Israel than in America. These are
those whom the Kabbalah refers to as society's "broken vessels".
The poor, the hungry, and the homeless.
At my own wedding, twenty six years ago in New York, the
planning of seating arrangements was a major undertaking. Taking
care to make sure that each guest was seated with the right
people, required considerable thought and sensitivity. Every
table and chair was carefully accounted for.
In Israel, where I've lived for the last twenty five years,
weddings are much more informal.
Usually there is not reserved seating. Guests tend to sit
wherever they feel comfortable.It is not uncommon at Israeli
weddings for a number of uninvited guests to also attend. These
include the indigent and the less fortunate members of society.
Jewish law is very explicit in it's demands that the wedding
feast is not complete unless such guests are present and seated.
The groom himself must take special care to personally attend to
these guests and show them honor and appreciation. He must do
his utmost to make them feel welcome. In reward for such
behavior the bride and groom are assured a life of happiness and
blessing.
So the next time you attend a simcha, look for the Jewish
wedding crashers. These are the departed souls, the Creator, and
the poor and needy.
And if you, like I, initially have difficulty finding them,
don't despair.
For when you witness the hungry and homeless leaving the wedding
hall, their handbags filled with rolls and overflowing with
food... you'll know for certain that the first two "crashers"
are also present.
And you will understand why the Creator, who takes particular
pleasure seeing His needy children fed and cared for (especially
by the bride and groom, on this, their wedding night) personally
escorts the souls of the proud, departed parents, to witness
their precious children's wedding.