How Do You Feel?
How Do You Feel? By Anthony Douglas Gere
In writing down these many theories of my thoughts, I am driven
by much more than words when I really think about it. As someone
once told me in a response from one of them, " if this is what
you're writing down, I can't even imagine the thoughts you have
that don't hit the paper". That's ever so true, because even
though I do try my best to lay it all out, sometimes my mind
travels much faster than my ability to make sense of them. But
what does make a difference to me, is ones ability to feel the
energy from such a passion, as we do the rays from the sun.
Imagine not having the rays of sunlight bronzing your skin,
warming your body and rotating the planet. We would become
sterile, and not feel the other end of the stagnant cold, that
would pale our souls like a frozen glacier. That's how I feel
about passion, and hope to never block out the beams that fuel
me to feel what is given out by something greater than myself.
As we all well know, actions speak louder than words. I think
its safe to assume that statement on a certain level, but do you
realize that thoughts are stronger than both actions and words,
put together? I guess that's true because the actual art of
speaking, is much more easier than the art of doing. Both
require a thought process before, during and after each is done,
but still require something less potent than what made it
happen. Speaking, requires a process that entails thinking,
reasoning, judging, knowledge, anticipation, recalling thoughts,
experiences and more. Doing, is a mechanical movement, based on
physical limitations, the mind does not have in its limitless
thoughts. Now though it takes more energy to speak than to
follow through on what is being said, it only makes sense that
it takes less muscles to smile, than it does to frown. Why you
might ask, simple, positive and negative reinforcements, based
on ones thoughts about self. And by the way, that's not my
opinion, that's fact. But I'm not wanting your actions or words
right now, I'm needing your thoughts to define what I'm thinking
about saying and doing. That's right, tell me what to think, how
to act and what to say, based on your thoughts. If you can
honestly do that, I will tell you what I'm thinking about doing
and saying before I think about it in thought. Don't tell or
show me what to do, teach me to think these things when I'm not
thinking about something else. Place me in a familiar routine to
grow as each moment diminishes. I want to know, I need to find
out, because it's in my best interest to learn more about myself
through you and what you think of yourself right now and beyond.
Now I know what I like, what and how I like things done and what
I like to do, but that has nothing to do with you. You see what
I personal like, is what appeals to me, not us. I'm trying to
find that medium to maximize the things I'm minimalizing in
accomplishing my goal. Oh, you want to know my goal, okay, but
don't be surprised if they're the same as the things you wish to
accomplish. So as I try to explain this theory, explain and tell
me, how do you feel?
Throughout the years, studies have been the staple for
information. What's good and bad for you, what to and not to
eat, and when and where to go for certain things. Everyone can
make a case on this and that, and have valid arguments on why
their study is better. But there are very few studies that are
one hundred percent consistent in the world, and have been
proven through time that they may never change or alter the case
study to think otherwise. The topic of study, positive and
negative behavior. Do you realize it takes less effort to be
happy than it does to be sad? It takes more energy and work not
to work, than it does to work. It's harder to not accept and
takes more energy to doubt, than it does to give and believe. It
actually is easier to win, than it is to lose. Why, because we
as people, want to complicate things, to validate its importance
to us. We don't want to hear what is being said, we would rather
listen to what we think someone is saying. When you ask someone
to do something and they don't do it, it has nothing or very
little to do what they think about you or what you wanted them
to do. Its what you think about them in asking, and how they
define your thoughts based on their importance to themselves and
how they feel about themselves in your eyes. Think about it,
people don't want to hurt people, unless they are hurt
themselves. Do you know it's easier to make a friend, than it is
to make an enemy. In the majority of things, we are our worst
enemy, and simply need to get out of own way to find what we are
looking for. I would say that in 95% of things, we all know how
we feel. What we do is not act upon it, and spend more time
finding out why we would shouldn't, instead of why we do. Which
is why we usually don't.
If I ask you why you like this or something else, your list will
be much longer on why you don't, than why you do. Do you realize
that the majority of us place higher expectations on others,
than we do on ourselves. I've had on numerous occasions, people
ask me for things they do not have or would not buy for
themselves. Cosmetically you say its money, resources, time and
things like that, but realistically, it has nothing to do with
that. But mess around and say no, for whatever reason, and they
will make up a reason on why they can't and you can. They want
to be treated a certain way, but they are not even willing to
treat someone else the same, and get mad when it doesn't happen.
If you have low standards, its because your standards on how you
feel about yourself are not high, it has nothing to do with
anyone else. I know we learn more about each other every day,
but do you know we learn more about ourselves each moment? I'm
trying to connect much deeper right now, so we can wade in
shallow pools together later on. I want to be corny, firm,
strong in my weakness and grow in this world that is so small
when you travel in and on it. Have you ever taken out the time
to find out what you like, how you like it and why? I don't mean
what you fantasize about, what you settle for and things like
that. I want to know what you really like, if you know yourself,
and what that truly is. I've heard so many scripts, even myself
copied characteristics from others I've seen enjoying their
moments. But I'm not sure they like what they were doing
themselves, so I'm asking you, what and how do you really like
things done? You see I'm not just singling this out to one area,
or many scopes of satisfaction. I'm talking about the specifics,
that specify the many moods that make up this one person or
topic. Okay, maybe I need to explain to you what I mean. Maybe
after I tell you, you can tell me, and I can learn from you
learning more about me. But promise me this, after I explain
this to you in text, you must explain the same to me in thought.
So think about this before you read my thoughts, because I truly
want to know, how do you feel in and beyond this theory.
I like wearing suits. Not just any suit, but suits that fit a
little loose in the chest, but tailored to hug my frame. I enjoy
the uniform of a suit. It puts me in a mental mind frame of
professionalism, and allows me to subconsciously stay physically
conscience about my thoughts on who and what I need to
represent. I love to sleep in cold weather, but enjoy dropping
the top in my car with the heater on, to feel the breeze hitting
my shaven head in the day or night. I like the cold because I'm
a romantic that looks for moments to warm myself and others. To
have a brisk breeze send chills up my spine, reminds me that I
have the ability to feel and change that feeling in a passionate
way with I have and don't have around me. I love the color red,
because it is so romantic and vibrant. A red rose, stop sign or
blood, makes one pay attention to what is happening around them.
The sex appeal of the color, invites a personal passion and a
level of intimacy that demands attention in a subtle and
universal way beyond the meaning. When I cook, I love to listen
to soft music, and watch my company relax and enjoy the moment
of being catered to. Though I am a leader, I was taught that
thee highest compliment you can give someone, is to serve them
unconditionally. To submit to their needs, and place their
happiness above their own. To constantly show, that the
inconsistencies you may have, are done out of comfort, not a
selfish greed to make others uncomfortable. You see I don't care
what people think about me, though I do care why they think it.
What I mean is this. If some one feels a certain way, make sure
it's for a good reason to them. If someone dis-likes me or likes
me, I would like to have it be for the way I treated them, not
someone else. I say that because you will never know what that
person did to me, wanted or gave to make me act whichever way I
did. More than likely, if you knew both sides, you would draw a
conclusion based on honesty, not motive. Now me being me, I more
than likely won't defend me either way, in terms on why someone
thinks about me they way they do and that person's relationship
with me. It doesn't matter if it is or was negative or positive.
Why, I simply wasn't brought up that way, and its none of your
or anyone else's business on what and how we conduct business.
It has more to do with just us, it deals with at that time in
our lives and under those circumstances and situations that may
have changed and made us who we are now. But if you trust the
way I'm treating you, and understand how you feel in treating
me, then you will form whatever opinion you have of me. I will
also do the same based on your treatment towards me, and no one
else. I do my best to do the right thing all of the time. But
admit, that's not always the case in the aftermath when it may
go wrong. I'm not intentionally trying to mess up if I do. I
don't want to lie or do things wrong, but at the time, I do them
sometimes. Why, maybe embarrassment, lack of knowledge of
insecurity. And if I do fail, something I know I do is try to
over compensate in ways that may not be correct beyond that
instance. I'm never going to purposely try to do wrong, I'm just
not right all of the time when I do things. Now when I do fail,
don't put me down. Don't make me re-live the mistake, because
I'm more than likely harder on myself than you could ever be on
me. I hurt someone, and didn't have to. So if I do mess up, help
me learn from it, and support me so we can learn together on how
not to allow that mistake to happen again. And I promise to do
the same to you, if you tell me how you feel.
Okay, now that we've talked about my business side, lets get a
little personal. I'm not a great fighter, but there's no battle
I can't win. I've had sex more times than I'd like to admit, but
will admit that I've never ever truly made love unconditionally.
I'm fearful of many things, but not afraid to try or admit it.
I've never been the adventurous type, but there's no mountain I
would attempt to climb for happiness. I've seen the world by
land, sea and air more than three times, but somewhat blind to
the state of mind I'm constantly in. I enjoy writing, because
reading what's not being wrote down, lifts me up. I have more
issues than sports illustrated, but don't subscribe to one
magazine written by man. I lust to make money, and love to love.
I'm a gentleman now, because I was a rough boy once upon a time.
I feel we all are created equal, but after the creation, we
separate based on the things we do and don't create in and out
of ourselves. I enjoy watching people, but fully desire to see
one person for who they are. I dream in reality, because the
nightmares of death are inevitable. I'm a great lover, because I
love being great. I need to live, because I don't want to die. I
ask questions because I don't know the answers. I don't talk to
converse, I speak to communicate. I don't trip on things,
because I'm not a travel agent. I'm not as smart as I think, but
not as dumb as I think I may be. I will never ask you or anyone
for something, unless I need something else I can't get by
myself. I know the difference between a boy, male and man, I've
been all three. When I say or do anything, there's a fifty fifty
chance, I will be right or wrong. So now that I said a few
things, will you think about a few more and tell me, how do you
feel about feeling the way you do?
So as you think about these thoughts, think about the things you
are not thinking about. You're priorities, why they became what
they are, and what they replaced in your growth. Think about the
journey in finding them, and what you're doing to keep or lose
them. Think about why you cry, smile, laugh and frown. Think of
the many that don't why you're feeling the way you do, and why
you're treating them the way you are. Is your answer based on
what was done, or what you think they were or are trying to do?
What's your contribution, and what are you not contributing to
make it what it is or isn't. Think about it as your heart, or
the sun. What if they gave you the effort you are giving it,
would it shine or beat the way it needs to? Or would you block
out what it's trying to give, because that's what something
greater than you does. I could go on and on, but then you would
be off somewhere I'm not trying to take you. Remember that
things are things, and you are what you are. Regardless on what
you've been through, going through or trying to do, you are what
you are. Love yourself. Love yourself for everything you
represent. And take out the time to really find out, how do you
feel -