What about little white lies? What about when your partner asks you if this dress makes her look fat. What do you think? Is it OK to lie to a person we care about for a kind reason, like to make him feel better and more secure, or to avoid a fight. As long as our heart is in the right place, even experts say that honesty isn't always required. You don't have to tell the whole truth if it will hurt your partner or if it's something he can't change. "

At the same time, not all lies are harmless -- even little white ones -- and some untruths can tear apart a relationship by damaging intimacy and trust. The worst kinds of lies result from trying to change who we really are or to minimize a serious problem in a relationship.

Following are some lies that can hurt your relationship.

"You deserved that promotion."

Your significant other is upset because he has just been passed over for a raise -- again. You're trying to cheer him up. This is not a good lie because chances are that your partner wants your emotional support rather than your opinion of his job skills and performance. When you focus on his not getting the promotion instead of his feelings, you are saying that can't stand to see him down or deal with him being depressed. The better answer would be something like "I'm sorry. I know how bad you must feel."

"You think I was flirting with Stan! Don't be silly!"

Stan a good-looking colleague with whom you regularly do flirt. Your partner happened to catch one of these interactions -- and didn't like what he saw. You actually do flirt with Bob, but you know your exchanges don't mean anything, so they're not worth discussing. Still, if your partner brought this up, he must be feeling jealous or insecure. By minimizing feelings, you are distancing yourself and damaging the relationship. It