A reader writes: "I used to think nostalgia was a good thing, but now that I'm middle-aged, I see how negative and stifling it can be.

The trouble with nostalgia is that it works by selective memory: You think only about the good things and forget about the bad. So the present can never live up to this idealized world.

Other times ... I start thinking about all the things I could do in the future if I were rich. So I'm caught luxuriating in this dream world of the past, or a fantasy world of the future, and not living in the present, where I could take concrete action.

"I'm just a regular 9-to-5 family person who wants to achieve a few personal ambitions. How do I break this cycle, take action and achieve what I would like?"

What a great question!

As I pondered how to answer, my thoughts kept coming back to the issue of motivation.

When we are truly motivated, we can dip into the past or the future to help us take action in the present.

If that last statement is a little unclear, allow me to clarify it for you.

Inspiration or desparation

Most people are motivated by one of two things: inspiration or desperation. Let's take a look at each of these motivating forces.

Desperation can be a greatly motivating force when there is something we want to avoid. Desperation often occurs when we have experienced pain in the past and are determined not to experience it again.

Occasionally, desperation can be linked to the future when we are motivated to prevent something painful from happening.

For the most part, however, desperation is a type of motivation that is linked to the past.

Now let's look at a form of motivation that is linked to both the present and future.

Motivation in the present and future

The most successful people seem to be the ones who get inspiration working for them before desperation gets a chance to take over.

Inspiration allows us to look to the future to how something could be. Robert Kennedy once said something like this: "Most people look at how things are and ask why. I look at how things could be and ask why not?"

Once we get a good glimpse or taste of how things could be in our lives, we can be inspired in the present to work toward our goal.

This is where, as the reader so wisely pointed out, we have to be very careful because there is a seductive trap lurking here. It's easy to think about and talk about what you want to do so much that it fools our brains into thinking we are accomplishing what we want.

So we take no action and then wonder why we don't achieve what we want.

Here's a simpler way of saying it: "Inspiration without perspiration leads to stagnation and frustration." How's that for a mouthful?

In other words, we must take action, now, in the present, to make our dreams a reality.

One of the best ways I know to do this is never to leave the setting in which you decide on a goal without taking some concrete action toward it. And then follow that with action toward achieving your goal each day.

That's the absolutely necessary perspiration part.

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