Many of the families I work with seem to have trouble communicating with their kids. To a certain extent, this is normal in developmental terms. As a child reaches the teen years, it's very normal for them to begin to pull away from the parents and relate more to their peers.

Teenagers usually view their parents either as guides or as the enemy in growing up. If you are the enemy they will learn how to con you and lie to you which can make for a long battle. If they view you as the guide, you still may not know everything that is going on with them, but they will be able to come to you with their problems and respect the guidance of your authority. At the very least, there is an open door between you and them. Like the line from the Harry Chapin song "Tangled-Up Puppet" they will know that they "don't need to grow up all alone."

How will you know if they view you as the enemy or a guide? Two ways. First ask yourself, "Do they lie to me or try con me?" Second, examine the way you talk to them. Let's look at some examples of "enemy communication" vs "guide communication." To put it into an adult frame of reference, imagine how you would feel if your boss talked to you in these two different ways.

Most enemy communication has to do with committing what is called "adultisms." Now this has nothing to do with adultery. An adultism is simply when we as parents forget what its like to be a child and then expect, demand, and require the child, who has never been an adult, to think, act, understand and perceive the world, and do things as an adult.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.