The first part of a management approach is that the parents are clearly in charge.

Notice I am saying in charge, not in control.

Now in no way am I saying that parents should let teens do whatever they want. There is way too much of that going around already.

Actually I am saying just the opposite. A key sign of a strong and healthy family is when the parents are clearly in charge of the situation.

Authoritarian vs. authoritative

The key distinction here, the difference that makes the difference, is between an authoritarian parenting style and an authoritative parenting style. An authoritarian style comes from a controlling approach, while an authoritative style comes from a management approach.

A good example of an authoritarian style can be found in the book and movie "The Great Santini." This family was ruled by the iron hand of the father, a military man who tried to run his family just like his troops, complete with morning inspections.

The best example I've seen of an authoritative style is the Huxtables of "The Cosby Show." If you think back to the show or watch the reruns, you will notice that in the Huxtable family, the parents are clearly in charge.

At the same time, there is compassion, caring and guidance for all the family members. One strong indication of this is that while each child may not always get a vote, they almost always get a voice.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.