You can ship just about anything, and sometimes you end up wishing you couldn't. I learned that this summer when I found myself sending a freshly caught Pacific salmon to an acquaintance in South Carolina.
I still marvel at how I ended up being engaged in the process since I don't fish, and I don't even like eating salmon. It was all because of one little comment I made over a catered dinner at a conference near Seattle.
Six of us were seated at a table as the grilled salmon was being served. I groaned quietly, and the man seated to my right inquired in a southern drawl, "Don't you like salmon? I love it. I'm from the southeast, and having fresh Pacific salmon is a rare treat for me."
With that conversation starter, we went on to discuss the quality difference between wild and farmed salmon, and lamented the prices of regional specialties. I was explaining that a friend of mine is a member of the Yakima tribe, and tribal members can catch and sell salmon at certain times of the year, when this bizarre offer came out of my mouth: "I could buy a fish for you from Phillip and overnight ship it to you in South Carolina."
To my regret, my dinner companion, Mark, said, "Would you? That would be great."
Oh, brother.
When the Chinook salmon began their run in late August, I dutifully contacted Mark to see if he was still interested, and to my chagrin, he was.
Next, I called Phillip to ask about getting a salmon and shipping it. I didn't know much about how the commercial aspect of the work went, and here's what Phillip explained to me.
1) Once the commercial season is open, tribal members sell fish by the side of the road, so to speak. Salmon was going for $2.50 to $3.00 per pound.
2) Chinook are usually about 25 to 50 pounds and a person buys an entire fish. So I could not get, say, 10 pounds of fish. I would get A Fish!
3) They are around 3 feet long. Phillip would gut it for me.
4) Phillip said he had never shipped fish. However, he did know that it is not good to freeze it, thaw it, and freeze it again. He recommended that he call me when he had a nice fresh fish about the weight Mark wanted, and I meet him at the river and then go on to the shipping place - pack it in ice, and send it off, fresh overnight.
My email to Mark on the morning after Phillip called telling me he had the fish in his cooler went like this and made it sound so easy:
"Hi Mark, Phillip called last night and said the run is great, and he will have a fresh 30 pounder for me this morning! I am going now to meet him, whack away at the fish, package it up, and run it over to town for overnight shipping. I will email you when I get back so you know for sure it is en route."
I had no clue what an ordeal I was actually facing. When it was finished, I diplomatically wrote the following email.
"Hello Mark, OK. It's done. And what an education! There is gravel on the fish because the roadside nature of the transaction is literal.
"Also, Phillip doesn't usually cut it up for people, so he only had his gutting knife. It took some doing, but we whacked your fish into five pieces and fit them into big ziplock bags.
"For a cutting surface, we used my plastic cooler. I didn't know fish were that bloody, or that blood dries that fast in the sun. We were on the bridge 50 above the steep bank of the river with no access to the water, and I would have felt I was in a story by Kafka if the smell of the fish hadn't kept it all very real.
"I did have a bottle of water with me, so we cleaned up as much as possible and I wrapped the aromatic cooler in a garbage sack so I could trundle off to town with it.
"I got the styrofoam cooler and some ice. Packed it up neatly, sort of. Duct taped the cooler like mad. Went to the shipping office. Clerk said, 'You can't ship a Styrofoam cooler that way. You'll have to buy a box to put it in.'
"So I did, and shipped it off. She says it will be at your door by morning.
The grand total: estimated 25 lb. fish @ $3 per pound ($75) plus 3 bags of ice, the cooler and a box ($11), shipping charge for overnight delivery across the country of a 33 pound package ($116). All together, $202."
Mark wrote back with enthusiastic thanks that the fish had arrived, still on ice, and he had mailed a check.
I learned a lot from the experience. How to ship perishables, for one thing, and for another, to be very careful in future about making friendly offers to ship strange things to casual acquaintances.
Jaime Barons is contributing writer of articles for Race Shipping and has also contributed to Fishing Junky.