Walking A Fine Line Between Too Much And Not Enough

It's a tricky thing.

Get too sappy and extravagant too early in a romantic relationship and you might seem needy or too aggressive.

On the other hand, you run the risk of disappointing or irritating your love interest.

You don't want to scare him off with the "I love yous".

Lots of people will take a stab at getting something for their someone. The National Retail Federation predicts Valentine's Day spending this year will total $13.7 billion. It's Consumer Intentions and Actions Survey estimates the average consumer will spend $100.89 on Valentine's Day.

Go from the heart. Put some thought into it. Don't just grab something generic or convenient. That's the important part.

If you see that the giver put some thought into the gift, accept it graciously.

Expectations can be high on such an emotionally charged day.

If you really want or expect to be taken out for a special dinner or get an armful of roses on Valentine's Day, why not say it up front? Be very direct about it.

It's more difficult in a new relationship, but even then the parties can ask each other in a general way what they expect.

Greeting-card writers may be able to help. They apparently understand the need to play it safe sometimes.

Hallmark's "New Relationships" line is growing, with cards available for birthday and "thinking of you" purposes as well as Valentine's Day.

(Hallmark predicts that it's most popular musical valentine will be one that plays a snippet of the Troggs "Wild Thing" as the card is opened.)

Try The Traditional

Flowers speak volumes

A bouquet of cut flowers - tulips, lilies - is romantic, but it doesn't mislead anyone in the first weeks or months of dating.

Buying one or six roses also is romantic without signaling too much.

Go to a flower shop and trust the salesperson to help you. They do know flowers.

PersonalShopper.com suggests gift ideas based on information you enter, gift categories you select (electronics, etc.) and preferences you indicate (style, brand). The site has added a special Valentine's Day page with gift ideas for people in categories such as "My Soul Mate" and "My New Flame" as well as suggestions in various price ranges.

Focus on the other person's interests or on activities you can enjoy together to deepen the relationship.

For an established couple, a more expensive, personalized or engraved item is appropriate. Send the message of the significance of the relationship. You're making a commitment to this relationship and wanting to see it grow.

And better stay away from something that's practical - such as a fitness machine that might say to your beloved: You're not perfect just the way you are.

As for the Valentine's Day date, the same progression of price and romantic tone applies.

Going ice skating together or attending a sporting event or rock concert would be good choices for new relationships.

Once you're an exclusive, committed twosome, Valentine's Day should be a wonderful opportunity to reinvest in the romance of your relationship. Feel free to do something flashy and special.

If you are unattached you don't have to do nothing. If you have other friends who don't have dates, go to dinner together. There's so much to do other than feeling "woe is me."

Sandy Klocinski is owner of the online dating websites for singles, http://www.AreWeAMatch.com, http://www.MyPerfectDating.com and http://www.DateInHarmony.com