There are many times when anger can be a very good thing.

Periodically, when you experience anger (especially if you are able to always maintain control) you may find it can lead to passion, commitment and determination.

Anger can also lead to stubborn, pig-headed and unreasonable as well.

Anger can be good and it can be bad but as a general rule of thumb, anger never mixes well with a divorce.

Divorce is a brutal business. It ranks right up there among the five most stressful things a person can experience in a lifetime. Regardless if you are the one that left, or the one that remains behind, you are undoubtedly very hurt and confused with lots of unanswered questions.

One of the keys to getting past messy divorce is learning how to deal with the anger. Emotions are raw enough during a divorce. If you allow yourself to become angry during a conversation with an ex, you can be assured that it will only be a matter of time before something is said that you will both regret.

Just because the ex maybe getting mad or upset at you, does not mean you should return the favor in kind.

If you are talking with your spouse on the telephone about a particularly difficult topic and you want to remain calm, imagine that your child is standing right next to you, watching and hearing everything you say and do. Would you like your child to have this image of you? Would you like them to remember you this way?

If you think you may have a problem controlling your anger, you should visit the American Psychological Association website at http://www.apa.org

Gary Kelly is co-creator of the online dating website for golfers, http://www.DateAGolfer.com and http://www.PuttingForPar.com, a golf website specializing in personalized ball markers