Now we know the rest of the story. A "friend" gave us a pedigreed and papered dog worth five hundred dollars for free! She said they really didn't have the time to work with it and wanted it to go to a good home. The only catch was we had to pick it up that day. She said they were going away for a few days. We discussed this terrific opportunity to get a great deal and raced right over. A pedigree dog for free. Wow! He was really cute. She threw in his ball and several other toys for him. Why she gave us his chew toy, I don't know. He chewed on everything but that toy. I should have been suspicious when the chew toy looked brand new.

That night and the next several nights he cried that mournful puppy cry. We tried the alarm clock in his bed with his blanket but he ended up in our room. It was the only way to get some sleep and by two a.m. you get pretty desperate for sleep.

At five a.m. he was up and running around ready to play. We took him outside every hour to potty and also had puddle pads. Apparently he held it until he came back into the house. He would bound back in and promptly go wet the carpet. It must have been too cold to go outside or he wanted privacy and the backyard wasn't private enough. Over the next few weeks, he chewed up and destroyed a cell phone, expensive shoes, a house plant, some books and my favorite afghan. At the end of six weeks, our free bargain dog had cost over seven hundred dollars in damages plus three hundred dollars at the vet for shots, worming, etc. Then there was another five hundred for insulated outdoor dog house, plus a kennel and dog run.

Free puppy also destroyed wildly extravagant fake rubber tree (we thought about this purchase quite awhile before spending that much money but figured it would last a long time), and outside he chewed a new hammock to pieces. I read that you should tie the chewed item to the dog so it would follow him around and he wouldn't chew this type of thing anymore. I tried that and he chewed it off. Then I tied some more pieces of the hammock to his collar until it was just a bunch of strings. Didn't faze his chewing compulsion a bit. I have yet to hear from the friend who gave us Lucky. I think she is hiding out.

Marge has been writing all her life and recently published her first humor book, Have I Ever Told You How Much I Hate People? Written by Two Little Old Ladies With No Friends. Her second book, Granny's Journal is at the publishers now. Marge turns 62 this year, writes a column in her local, The West End News titled Excerpts from Granny's Journal, is a library director in a small town in the Northwest. She has five children and fourteen grandchildren. She can be reached at asccm@hotmail.com