My Needs are Simple and Few!

My dear owner,

Thank you once again for giving me shelter. (Lick, slurp, lick, slurp) Aside from food, shelter and love, my needs are simple and few! Since I am dependent upon you to provide for me, we should discuss my basic needs. I can lend you the canine insight that you may lack as a human, particularly if I am your first canine companion pet.

Of course, I require a steady supply of food and fresh water, and while I long for the same quality of culinary delight that you routinely enjoy, I know that's an unrealistic expectation. As long as you feed me something that's nutritionally suited for my species, I'll happily devour whatever little morsels of people food you throw my way. I'm not particularly fond of that stuff that comes from the tap, but it'll do in a pinch. I draw the line at drinking from toilets.

Splish splash

In addition to my regular veterinary care, I'll need a flea and tick collar at a bare minimum. How would you like those critters crawling all over you? Please help me to prevent them from crawling on me.

If you want to show me off for company, how about you pick up some grooming aids so I can look my sexy best? I SO look forward to weekly shampoos. Who needs rubber duckies when you get to splash at humans at bath time? I understand that humans multitask, and I love those massages with the grooming gloves, so we could watch TV together while you give my coat a nightly massage. I cannot vacuum after myself (but maybe you could suggest that as an advanced course at obedience school), so you might want to pick up some of those hair pickup tools for yourself.

A bowl of my very own

I could use a doggie bowl or two, something simple, yet elegant, perhaps something with my name on it. It's not that I mind sharing your everyday bowls, but it would be nice to have something that's all mine when it comes to feeding and watering troughs. I'll need one for food and one for water, and an everyday pattern will suffice