First Menstruation Ritual
Rituals are societies way of teaching and maintaining the
culture. To restore the matrilineal lines of initiation (old
women teaching young women) rituals are essential. A menarche
(first menstruation) ritual can make this time easier and more
meaningful for both the young woman beginning menstruation, and
her mother. Such a ritual comforts the young woman and lets her
know that her feelings are natural and have been shared by women
throughout time. It focuses the attention of the community on
the young women's needs at this time in her life. And it
instructs the young woman about what her family and society
expect of her now that she is entering womanhood.
When your daughter's first menstruation arrives, congratulate
her, love her, and make sure you take care of her immediate
physical and emotional needs. Then call together your community
of women to participate in the ritual you have planned. Let
other women support and nurture you both at this time. Don't
worry if some of the women are embarrassed by the idea of a
moon-time ritual. Their feelings will be healed as they join in
the honoring of your daughter. And please don't put off your
daughter's ritual because she is shy and doesn't want to tell
anyone "she has started." This is her moment. I recommend
helping her to face it and feel good about it. Surround her with
women she loves and who love her. You may be surprised,
especially if you have never attended a menarche ritual, at the
healing and joy that accompany such a gathering.
At most menarche rituals, women only are present. The men of the
family, and the young girls who have not yet begun menstruation,
are invited to congratulate the new woman after the ritual, and
give her gifts.
Begin your ritual by creating a sacred space in whatever way
feels comfortable to you and to your friends and family. Turn
off all phones (and cell phones) and put "Do Not Disturb" signs
on the doors. Light candles or incense, play soft music or drum
softly, read poetry or sit in silence.
An altar is a common way to create a sacred space. Altars help
us remember and focus on what is meaningful for us. The objects
on the altar are symbolic of the theme of the ritual. We may
have symbols of the Earth, pictures or statues of great or holy
people or pictures of revered family members. Flowers and other
decorations are welcome. A flower garland, to be worn later by
the new woman, can be on the altar.
Another way to create a sacred space is to make a circle with a
red rope. Our community has a rope that has been dyed red, which
is used at many community rituals. You can also sprinkle herbs
around the outside of the circle.
As you enter the sacred space, purify your minds and hearts of
daily concerns. You can sprinkle everyone with water, or throw
flower petals over everyone, or smudge-whatever feels to you
like dropping the mundane. Smudging symbolizes cleaning off
negative energy and preparing for the sacred ritual. You can buy
smudge sticks at most food coops, natural food stores, or stores
that sell herbs. Or pick some herbs from your garden, wind
cotton string around them to form a "stick" a few inches long
and one to three inches in diameter. Hang the herb stick in a
warm dry place for two to four weeks. At your ritual, light the
stick, let it burn for a few seconds and then extinquish it. It
will continue to smoke. You then "smudge" each other or yourself
by letting the smoke drift around the body.
The Woman's Blessing: At your ritual, have ready a dish of clean
sand or corn meal. (I use a large clay flowerpot base and fill
it with sand.) Ask the new woman to step into the dish of sand
or corn meal, leaving her footprints. (Have a towel for her to
wipe her feel afterwards.)
Each woman comes forward, lights a candle, and puts it into the
footprints in the sand or corn meal, which represent the new
woman's journey on Mother Earth. Each woman then gives her
woman's blessings, such as: "I am Marie, sister of Georgia Ann,
daughter of Selia, granddaughter of Mary Ann and Christina,
mother of Christina and Elizabeth, grandmother of Erika, Clara,
and Savannah Rose. I ask all the women of my line to bless,
teach, and protect (Name of new woman) on her journey through
all the cycles of Grandmother Moon.
After each woman has made her blessings, the new woman lights a
candle and puts it into the same dish of sand. She gives her
woman's introduction, and accepts the blessings of all the
women. "I am......,daughter of......., granddaughter of....... I
accept your blessings, and thank you all.
The new woman must be adorned in some way. I suggest decorating
her hands with henna. Henna is an herb that dyes the skin a
red-orange color that turns to brown the next day. Henna kits
are available at natural food stores or on the Internet. Flower
crowns or garlands are also beautiful. After the adornment,
gifts may be given that have some significance to her passage.
Red jewelry is traditional. Red underpants are useful! Each gift
is given with some ritual words such as, "I am giving you this
book on the life of .............because I have always found her
life to be an inspiration. I know you will find your own path in
life and be an equal inspiration to all of us."
Songs may be sung, poems recited, stories told. Continue with
some symbolic ceremony of passage. Women have invented a variety
of ways to create a passage ritual for their daughters entering
puberty. The women may stand in two lines with arms raised,
forming an archway. The new woman stands at the entrance to the
archway. She holds a few toys representing her childhood. She
has been asked to bring the toys to the ritual to be given to
the younger children of the community. However, she is not asked
to bring all her toys, or her favorite toys, because aspects of
the child remain within all of us and continue to be treasured
throughout our lives.
The young woman's grandmother leads the passage ritual. If her
grandmother is not present, then a grandmother figure may be
chosen to represent her. The grandmother asks, "Who approaches
this passage?" The new woman gives her name. Grandmother
continues, " ("New woman's name,) it is time for you to leave
behind your childhood and become a member of the circle of
women. When you are ready to do so, leave your toys behind, and
walk through the archway." The new woman puts down her toys and
walks through the arch. As she comes to the end of the archway,
the women ring bells, throw flower petals, and cheer. Everyone
kisses and hugs the new woman.
Closing prayers and/or songs end the ritual.
After the ritual the men of the family and the girls who have
not yet begun menstruation are invited to congratulate the new
woman and present gifts. Everybody joins in food and friendship.