The Journey from Adolescence to Adulthood

Most parents find their teenage child's inclination to question their values and decisions particularly annoying. This causes hostility and pain in many families. Often the teenager sees the parents as interfering or suffocating when the parent is trying to stop him or her from making a 'bad' decision. However, teenagers make bad decisions simply because their priorities are often different from those of their parents, not because they lack the logic to make the right decision. Fitting in with their peers for instance, may be more important to them than their parents' opinions or even dangers to their health. This is why so many adolescents start smoking or drinking alcohol despite parental prohibitions or knowing that it is harmful to them. This difference of perception can also apply to the value and meaning of academic achievement among adolescents and even between genders. It is up to parents and teachers to influence an understanding that, to a great extent, achievement is the result of personal effort rather than luck or being gifted. It is a particularly difficult time for the teenager. They are used to relying on the family for all of their needs, both physical and emotional, but it is now time for them to become an independent adult, establishing their own autonomy and identity. This can be quite a challenge and there are many goals that the adolescent needs to achieve during this transition. Thus, the trials and errors are characteristic of this life stage. This is also often a time of fierce rebellion when the adolescent is trying to establish his or her own true identity. Thus, they often reject the values of family, school and religion though many return to these values at a later stage. Once they have established their own identity and feel comfortable within themselves, the need for rebellion generally diminishes. This search for identity and autonomy also includes the adolescent's growing need for personal space. They tend to spend more time in their room. Often, parents find this worrying and question the adolescent about this which can cause resentment. This quite often leads to painful and tense power struggles, disrupting the general harmony of the household. This is also a difficult time for parents as they can feel rejected and unloved by their child. For single parents, it can be a particularly lonely time, especially if there are no other children. Adolescents are also known to have quite erratic mood swings and the most trivial incident will send them into despair. This is characteristic of the developmental changes they are going through, both physically and emotionally. This is also a time when their self esteem becomes an important issue. They are aware of their attributes but also become painfully aware of their shortcomings. It is a time when who they really are versus their ideal of who they would like to be can cause much unhappiness. One of the tasks of this life stage is the acceptance of their real self. Popularity and acceptance reinforces their sense of worth. Teens also tend to test the limits - family's, society's and their own - during this phase. There is a tendency to feel invincible and often involves taking risks that are highly dangerous. This can be self-destructive if left unchecked. It is the most likely time that they may become involved with drugs, alcohol and crime. Keeping the communication lines open and talking to them in a sensitive and understanding manner can often make it easier to nip any antisocial behaviour in the bud. Their relationship with family certainly changes as they gradually grow in depth and maturity. If the conflicts of this life stage are handled well, it can result in a stronger, more mature attachment. Regardless of the difficulties that surround this important transition, these terrible teens will normally grow into wonderful young adults that you can be proud of.