A Word of Warning For Expectant Fathers
I'm about to do what I swore I would never, ever do. I'm going
to dish out advice on being a new father. When my wife was
pregnant, Dad's were always "enlightening" me on the intricacies
of fatherhood. "You just wait," they'd tell me. "Wait until you
have to get up in the middle of the night! Wait until you have
to change a dirty diaper." "Just wait until you get spit up on."
"Just wait until you have zero freedom left. You can't go
anywhere or do anything!" "Kiss your social life goodbye!"
I wondered why someone would fill my head with all of these
thoughts. Were they trying to scare me? Warn me? Make me even
just a little bit more nervous than I already was about becoming
a father? Yes, yes and yes. You'll find that there are always
dads out there with all different viewpoints on fatherhood. Some
are happy when other guys are going to have babies, simply
because that's one more person that has to go through what
they're going through. Some don't want to have to see others go
through what they're already going through and do what they can
to "let you know what you're in for." "I wish someone had warned
me," is what I heard most often. And others are well, just sick
and sadistic people that just like to watch you squirm. But then
there are those that just get it. They understand the gift that
is fatherhood and are happy to see other men get the opportunity
to experience it. I like to think that I fall within this
category.
I'm here to tell you that, regardless of their motives, they're
all correct...to an extent. I've had to get up in the middle of
the night...a lot! I've changed more than my share of dirty
diapers - some of them VERY dirty. I've been spit up on - some
of it VERY Smelly! I don't have much of a social life. I can't
really even afford to!
All of their predictions came true, and then some. And I
wouldn't change a single thing for all of the money in the
world. Sure, I'm not the happiest camper in the world when my
daughter starts crying thirty-five minutes before my alarm's set
to go off. Of course I want her to sleep as late as possible!
But that crying means that we have a wonderful daughter in our
lives. And diapers do stink. They reek! They're messy and now
that she's getting older and bigger, she doesn't make it easy
for us to get the job done. But, I'll change diapers as much as
I need to if it means not having to accept the alternative -
never having had any diapers to change at all. And my social
life? It's not as bad as it seems. It's true that we don't get
out nearly as much as we used to. But that's something that
happens when you decide to have children. It's why babysitters
were invented. But, if you think you're going to start a family
and not have any responsibility towards them on Friday and
Saturday night, you're sorely mistaken. The truth is that every
one of the dads that told me to "just wait" should've been
telling that I shouldn't want to wait!
I spent four months at home with my daughter after I lost my
job during the slow economy. Now, I had always expected that she
would just naturally gravitate towards her mommy. She'd be a
Mommy's girl. I'd always be her Dad and I'd always do my part in
terms of parental duties. But, I never thought that she'd be
Daddy's Little Girl for at least a few more years. But those
four months at home were the best four months of my life, to
date. Her and I bonded like I'd never thought possible. I was
bringing smiles to her face just by walking in the room. She was
reaching for me to pick her up! We played on the floor and she
slept on my chest. It was an amazing feeling. One that I never
thought I'd have the chance to experience. It had gotten to the
point that my wife was actually feeling left out because our
daughter was gravitating towards me! She was the one the baby
was supposed to gravitate towards, right? That's what I said!
Well, eventually I did claw my way back into the working world,
and five months later Baby and Mommy are inseparable once again.
But I'll always remember that for those four short months I had
it great.
My daughter and I are still close as can be and it's clear that
she loves her Daddy. The way her face lights up and she runs to
me when I get home from work just melts my heart. We still play
on the floor and I fly her around the house in my arms. She may
spend as much time as possible crawling under my wife's feet.
But she's got a big spot in her heart for Daddy. I was still
wondering, though, what those Dad's were thinking when they were
warning me. When it hit me. This is what Dad's do, right? They
were doing the same things that I'm doing...and loving it as
much as me! These were not men who were tired of changing
diapers or waking up in the middle of the night. These were men
who love their children and are thankful for every minute they
get to spend with them. They weren't warning me. They were just
preparing me. Maybe guys just find it easier to talk about the
hard stuff than they do to talk about the sappy stuff. Although,
I do remember one guy telling me how much I'm going to love my
baby. How I'll want to call out of work every time I see her in
the morning. He'll remain nameless for fear that his friends
won't let him live it down. But he was right. He was so right!
So to any expectant fathers out there. Just wait. Just wait
until you have to get up in the middle of the night. Wait until
you have start changing dirty diapers. Wait until your baby
spits up all over you. Wait until you have no freedom left to
speak of. Wait for it, and then embrace it. You're going to love
it! Take advantage of every moment you can. Because they're
sometimes too few and far between. Just remember that Fatherhood
is one of the greatest gifts a man can ask for. Sometimes we
don't like to admit it in public.