Don't Worry, It's Normal! Calming Fears about Separation Anxiety
in Children
It is not unusual to be concerned when we notice Separation
Anxiety in children. It usually manifests in babies around eight
or nine months and continues until about three years of age.
Most children will cry when a parent leaves them, especially in
an unfamiliar environment. Many parents become very distressed
when this happens and worry that they are causing psychological
damage to their youngster or that perhaps they have spoiled the
child. Typically, there is no need for alarm.
Separation Anxiety develops in children as a natural mechanism
to keep the species safe. Because a toddler so strongly feels
the urge to remain close to his primary caregiver, he is less
likely to stray too far and find himself in a dangerous or even
life-threatening situation. This is also somewhat related to the
"Stranger Anxiety" that appears in babies between about seven
and eleven months of age. In short, the child has come to equate
the primary caregiver, usually a parent, with a sense of
security; and that sense is threatened when the caregiver is
removed from the situation. The home has also been linked to
security, and children are therefore more cautious in a strange
environment, even if the parent is present.
In addition to crying when the parent leaves the child with a
babysitter or at daycare, there are other signs of Separation
Anxiety in children. It is not unlikely for the child to cry
again upon the parent's return, as he has been reminded of the
distress he felt when the parent originally left. Some children
also become quiet or are particularly shy in the new
environment. When the primary caregiver must leave a baby for an
extended period, say a few weeks to care for sick relative, the
baby will generally go into a depression. This decreases the
baby's appetite and causes him to move and explore less, leading
to slower development. By the time the child is a toddler, the
parent's absence is less likely to cause depression and more
likely to cause anxiety.
Other signs of Separation Anxiety in children include clinginess
and concern that the caregiver will be harmed in some way if the
child is not nearby. Some children also suffer from physical
reactions to the anxiety, such as stomachaches, headaches,
dizziness and nausea. These symptoms usually subside if the
child is allowed to stay home; however, the anxiety is over the
parent leaving, not over being in the new environment, so they
will often subside even if the child can not stay home.
Anxiety-related behaviors or symptoms may increase when the
child is tired or sick, or if there have been major changes in
his home life or daily routine. They usually last for less than
two weeks.
It is not impossible for a toddler or child to develop too much
Separation Anxiety, but it is very rare. Some of the warning
signs that a child has developed Separation Anxiety Disorder
include the child being unable to sleep alone, constantly
worrying that some harm will come to his parents, ongoing
nightmares of the parents being harmed, refusing to go to school
or anxiety-induced physical complaints that last for more than
two weeks. Children generally outgrow Separation Anxiety around
three years of age, but certain aspects may reappear in times of
great stress. Older children exhibiting these signs constantly
over a period of weeks should see a healthcare professional.
Again, such situations are quite rare, and the vast majority of
Separation Anxiety in children is not only to be expected, it is
a valuable stage in human development.