Deciding on divorce ........
Deciding on divorce is a big decision. You should understand
that you aren't a bad person just because you think you want a
divorce. Your spouse is not automatically a bad person because
he/she may be causing you to feel this way (or so you may
think), you're just people, plain and simple.
The Mindset You Need To Make This Difficult Decision You're
reading this for a reason...because you have been thinking about
divorce for one reason or another. Being in "limbo" is a
horrible feeling because you can't really get rooted if you are
in limbo...all you know is that you aren't happy and don't know
what to do.
You may feel stuck in a rut or feel like you are wandering
aimlessly. Whatever the case, not being certain of what will
happen can be tough to swallow and only contributes to your
being unhappy. Another reason that this is usually a tumultuous
and arduous time for people who are in this stage of life
because it usually involves self reflection and a heightened
awareness that may never have been reached before in your life.
This can be most difficult and scary, but I assure you it is
healthy in the long run. When doing this "inward reflection",
you may find out some things about yourself that you may not
like. You may recall some things you had forgotten. You may
realize that this isn't all your fault or you may realize that
you had a hand in leading yourself here too. Whatever happens
from here on in, your mindset has to be conducive to being
brutally honest to yourself.
Since this can be a gut-wrenching time in your life, you
absolutely must realize that one serious danger you face is
making the mistake of not being fully aware that people don't
make clear decisions during heightened emotional times. You must
remember that emotion clouds judgment and bad decisions are made
when the wrong side of your brain produces something by using
emotion rather than intellect. This cannot be stressed
enough...when making any decision or thinking deeply about a
concept, make certain that you are logical and impartial to the
best of your ability. You must be comfortable with finding flaws
within yourself and realizing that those are flaws that you
agree with. You must be ready to admit self guilt and self
fault, or this won't work.
If you are thinking about ending your marriage, or are
currently in the divorce process, the most important thing you
need to do is accept responsibility for the outcome of your
divorce. Because a woman's standard of living generally drops at
least 30% after a divorce, the decisions that you make now can
have a considerable effect on your future.
It is wise to establish a plan of action instead of going into
your divorce blindly. Begin by being well informed and organized
with the Divorce Record Keeper, a comprehensive divorce
considerations help guide. This resource will enable you to keep
track and record everything about your divorce from start to
finish in a easy to reference fashion.
If it is inevitable that your marriage will end, utilize the
following divorce considerations to protect yourself. Most
importantly, if your spouse has initiated proceedings, do not
sign anything until you are represented and informed by a
lawyer. Also, do not use the same lawyer that is representing
your spouse. Retain your own attorney to level the playing field
and have fair representation.
The actual divorce process is controlled by the participants.
Many people do not realize that not all divorces must end in
contested courtroom proceeding.
Generally, once you have embarked on a contested divorce
process, the types of proceedings from State to State are
similar, but not identical. You should consult with a lawyer in
your State about the specific process.
The length of your case may depend on the state and county that
your case is filed in. It often depends on how crowded the court
docket may be and often may take a year or more. If contested to
trial. Divorce lawyers can provide sound legal advice and help
you avoid costly mistakes when your marriage ends. The divorce
process involves many legal technicalities that can affect your
well being (as well as your children's) for many years to come.
If you are considering a divorce, or if your spouse has
initiated divorce proceedings, the first thing that you need to
do is consult a divorce attorney who specializes in family law.
Don't take any action that can affect your rights before seeking
legal counsel. To protect your best interest, don't use the same
divorce lawyer that your husband has retained. You can begin
your search for a divorce lawyer by seeking referrals through
friends and family, your state bar association, or searching for
divorce lawyers in the directories found on the internet. Look
for lawyers who are willing to work with you and fight for your
rights.
Once you have identified some potential divorce lawyers, you
need to set up an interview to get information on how your case
will be handled and to see if there is good rapport between you
and the lawyer.If you and your spouse can agree on how to divide
your property and settle issues related to your children, you
might consider an filing out your own forms.
For more information on Divorce please visit the Divorce resource center.