Children's sarcasm and back talk: How to nip it in the bud
After school, my children love to watch TV. What's alarming is
that a lot of kid's TV shows promote sarcasm and back talk. Our
children are encouraged to develop one-upmanship, push the
boundaries, and say whatever comes to mind, even if it hurts
someone else's feelings or is downright rude.
On TV, the characters who are selfish, mean-spirited,
conniving, deceitful and crafty emerge as the winners. They make
us laugh. They get away with breaking the rules. Wow, they're
powerful. Somehow they manage to out-do everyone else.
In reality, the opposite is true. A child who goes against the
rules, cops a bad attitude and is foul-mouthed doesn't fool
anyone. They're offensive and nobody likes them. They get
caught. They develop a bad reputation. The word gets around that
they're a troublemaker and should be avoided at all costs. This
type of "type casting" is hard to break away from.
Of course, there are exceptions. There are times when children
need to stand up for themselves. The "old school" of parenting
insists that children submit to authority, do what they're told,
and never question it. If that were true, a child who was being
kidnapped, molested, bullied or mistreated would just go along
with it. After all, the "adult" doing the damage is older than
them, and supposedly knows better.
Children shouldn't be expected to swallow or stuff their
feelings. There are times when children should stand up for
themselves. They should express their feelings. But they need to
do it in a respectful and polite way.
Imagine this scenario. Your first grader refuses to go to bed.
When you turn off the TV, he starts kicking and karate chopping.
He screams, "Take that, you evil mom!"
The key to handling back talk is stay calm and levelheaded.
Don't get angry. Begin by acknowledging his feelings: "I
understand that you're mad, and don't want to go to bed. But the
way you're acting just isn't acceptable."
If you're creative, you might suggest a situation where just
behavior would be acceptable: "Now if I were a bad guy trying to
kidnap you, then you should kick and scream like this...but to
act like this towards your Mom, who loves you and takes care of
you.... that just isn't right!"
Another idea is to lighten the situation with a little humor,
"Hey, I recognize this behavior from 'Hong Kong Phooey.' That's
fine on Cartoon Network but it's not the way to treat your Mom."
Remind your child why such behavior is not acceptable. "You need
to talk to me in a polite and respectful way. You're being rude
and that's not appropriate now."
Lastly, ask your child to rephrase or express himself in an
acceptable way. When he does so, praise your child for speaking
respectfully. Remember to stick to your guns. He still needs to
go to bed. "Tomorrow is another day, but I so proud that you're
my son." With a little effort, you will regained a sense of
balance in your home and un-do the rudeness and sarcasm that
your child has learned from cartoons on TV.