Kids Party Etiquette for Parents
Ever feel like you're out of the loop when it comes to the
unspoken rules of kids party etiquette? Experienced Moms and
Dads know the do's and don'ts of both hosting and attending kids
parties.
Here are some pearls of wisdom from these parent experts to
those just starting out on the party circuit... INVITATIONS The
rule of thumb passed down by experienced Moms and Dads is to
invite the same number of party guests as your child's age.
Resist the temptation to invite every child in your child's
classroom. Be discrete and avoid hurt feelings by mailing
invitations home instead of passing them out in school. A
manageable party is a more enjoyable one both for the party
attendants and for you!
PARTY TIME AND DURATION An hour is sufficient for toddlers and
pre-schoolers when naptimes are still an issue. Plan your party
when the birthday child will be freshest and best able to handle
all the excitement, perhaps a morning brunch is best. For older
school age children, a two to three hour party at any time of
day is a safe bet; evening parties and sleep-overs are popular
options for pre-teens.
RSVPs Always include an RSVP date and phone number on your party
invitations. In the event of a guest failing to RSVP, a cordial
call on or after your RSVP date is perfectly acceptable.
Sometimes mail is delayed and other mishaps occur, and you need
to be sure that the invitation was received. In addition,
knowing the exact guest count is necessary for planning
purposes. GIFT GAFFES Children may sometimes express their true,
and not necessarily polite, feelings about a gift they have
received. In advance of the party, explain to your child that
it's necessary to thank all the gift-givers with equal
enthusiasm, no matter what the gift. Impress upon your him or
her that each guest feels their gift is special, and that it's
the thought behind it that counts.
If you plan to open gifts at the party, make it early before
kids are tired, cranky and hyped with sugar. Of course, this
issue can be avoided entirely by opening the gifts after guests
have departed, a time-saving practice which prevents the
embarrassment of the party child making ungrateful comments.
COMPETITIVE GAMES There's nothing wrong with good old-fashioned
competition; it gets the adrenalin going and cranks up the
excitement. Just make sure that the elements of each game are
manageable for the age group you are inviting. A trial run with
the party child prior to the party will likely head off any
problems.
In addition, small gifts such as a lollipop or small trinket
given to every player for completing the game is preferable to
awarding one large prize to the winner only. Planning a craft
activity or end-of-party reading time will involve all the
guests, even the quieter ones.
SIBLINGS SHOWING UP UNINVITED Be very clear on your party
invitation by using the name of the guest invited. Some people
will ignore the obvious and do what's convenient for them
anyway, so have a few extra goodie bags on hand for siblings who
just show up.
BACK-UP PLANS If you're having an outdoor party, it's good
common sense to have a rainy day alternative. Confirm your
entertainer one week before party time, but prepare a handful of
games you can orchestrate on your own, if necessary. If a guest
or two are late for the festivities, don't delay your schedule
but keep on as planned. Although no-shows, delays, and inclement
weather are party bummers, you can still pull it off like
professional with a little advance preparation. PARTY CHILD
MISBEHAVING Here's where some advance coaching is in order.
Emphasize the important role your child has as the party host or
hostess to make guests feel comfortable. Discuss the
responsibilities s/he will have such as greeting the guests,
showing them where to sit at the party table, and handing out
party favors. Stress that through helping others enjoy the day,
your child will likely have a better time too. A gentle reminder
during the party should be all that's needed once you've laid
down the ground rules. GUESTS MISBEHAVING The party excitement,
coupled with sugar intake, can lead to tantrums, tears, and
other misbehavior. Step back a moment and try to handle these
problems with patience and diplomacy. A little attention and
redirection is sometimes all that's needed to remedy the
situation. Give the child a special job to do or make them an
honorary party helper. If the behavior escalates, don't be
afraid to separate the child to a quiet room. Explain that bad
behavior will not be tolerated and that the parents will be
called to take him or her home if it continues.
DUPLICATE GIFT DILEMMA If there's a gift receipt attached from a
thoughtful parent, you're golden. Otherwise, don't get into it
with another parent unless you can do so without causing
offense. You can try just returning the gift for store credit,
if you know where it was purchased. Or, stash it away with the
name of the original gift-giver taped to it. This way you can
recycle the gift, making sure it goes to an entirely new (and
hopefully appreciative) child.
THANK YOU NOTES Thank you notes are an excellent way to promote
good manners and appreciation in your children. Not only are
they important social skill builders, they foster good writing
and creativity as well. Kids will learn to enjoy writing thank
you cards if you make it a fun project by using colorful note
cards and glittery gel pens or let them design their own on the
computer.
For younger children, it's OK for the parent to write the note
and have the party child sign it. The party child could even
draw a picture which Mom or Dad can copy and send as a thank
you. The "fill-in-the-blanks" type thank you note are a great
alternative too. Another super idea is to include a picture of
the guest taken with the party child along with the thank you
note.
Incidentally, it's critical to keep a careful list of
who-gave-what so thank you notes can be sent without mix-ups.
CAN PARENTS STAY? If you're unsure if you can accompany your
child to a party, just be up front with the parents beforehand
and ask what their party plans are. The RSVP call is a great
time to ask questions. Most parents of younger children know
some kids are more comfortable with their parents around and
plan accordingly. (A pot of coffee and extra cake or munchies
for the adults.) Most parents will offer to help if they stay an
extra bonus for the host/hostess!