Just Because The Phone Rings...
Just Because The Phone Rings... By David Leonhardt
Brrrrrringgg. The telephone rang.
It was as predictable as Niagara Falls. We had just sat down to
a piping hot dinner, so of course the telephone would ring. My
wife reminded me that just because the phone rings, doesn't mean
we have to answer it, but...
"Hello," I answered.
"Good evening, sir. I am calling to let you know about a
fantabulous new insurance program that will protect you, your
family and everyone you ever meet from warts," The Voice
declared. "Isn't this an exciting time to be spending on this
planet?"
"Are you trying to sell something?" I asked suspiciously,
knowing that the answer would be...
"Not at all, sir," The Voice assured me. "I am just calling to
let you know that you can now be protected against warts for
much less than you would think."
He greatly overestimated my fascination with the actuarial
aspects of living wartlessly. "And you are not trying to sell me
anything?" I asked hopefully.
"Of course not," The Voice repeated. "I am calling to protect
your entire family from warts forever."
"My grandmother is already protected against warts forever," I
mused out loud.
Complete silence. "How did she do that?" The Voice asked with
subdued awe.
"She died," I replied. "She's been protected for forty years,
now. We suspect that she will remain protected forever."
"Uh. I see," The Voice replied. "You, too, can be protected
against warts..."
"You want me to die?" I asked.
"No..."
"Honey, this telemarketer is threatening me," I called out into
the kitchen.
"Well get back here, then," my wife responded. "Your dinner is
getting cold."
"Now look here," The Voice began.
"Now see what you've done," I scolded into the telephone.
"You've upset my wife. You could at least have waited until
after dinner to threaten me."
My wife called out again. "Why do you have to answer the phone
during dinner? Just because it rings doesn't mean you have to
answer it."
I shouted back. "It would be rude not to answer. The Voice took
time out of his busy schedule to warn us about warts