This isn't the article that I was planning to write today. I had a totally different article in mind. Truthfully the article I was going to write was a whole lot funnier than this one. In fact I had already started typing the other, much funnier, article on my PC and if all had gone well you would be reading that article instead of this one. But unfortunately for you, as always happens right when I'm in the middle of something very important, my PC crashed.
Actually, I don't think the term crash correctly defines what happened with my PC. With a crash there is usually some kind of warning. Take a plane crash for instance. Before the plane crashes you may see any or all of the following:
* thick black smoke pouring out of one or more engines
* large chunks of aircraft whizzing past your window
* pilots and flight attendants desperately strapping on parachutes
* oxygen masks dropping from the ceilings, injuring taller passengers
* the ground
Even the stock market has signs that it is about to crash. However I don't know what they are so you'll have to take my word on that one. I once tried to get into the whole stock market thing but every broker I called thought that my only having $20 to invest was 'a problem'. That's when I discovered stock market games. You can enjoy all the ups and downs of investing without having to deal with the hassle of actually making money and getting rich.
My point is that in almost every other form of 'crash' there are warning signs. But there are NO warning signs whatsoever before a PC crashes. You'll just be sitting there surfing the Net, or typing up something in Microsoft Word, or trying to figure out how restore all those pictures of Drew Barrymoore that you downloaded that your girlfriend claims she 'accidentally' deleted, and all of a sudden !CRASH! your whole screen goes blank.
Actually your doing good if you get a blank screen. The Blank Screen Crash can usually be fixed by shutting off and restarting your computer. The Blank Screen Crash is nothing compared to the Exception Error 294888389KKVGFGJ Crash or the Illegal Operation 8099094##$$GJHhhjj Crash. These crashes are the ones that remain even after you have restarted your computer. You'll shut down your computer, restart it, sit through Scandisk's (or SlothDisk as I call it) 15 minute ritual, get back to the Windows Desktop and !CRASH! there it is again, Exception Error 294888389KKVGFGJ, Exception Error 294888389KKVGFGJ, Exception Error 294888389KKVGFGJ.
These types of crashes usually end in you calling Tech Support which involves sitting on the phone for 4 hours after which a underpaid, overworked tech support representative who recently got fired from his job in airport security, will tell you that your computer is out of warranty and therefore you are not eligible for tech support. Unless you want to pay a small fee, in which case you can then be transfered to Advanced Fee-based Tech Support, where after waiting for only 2 hours, the exact same Tech Support Representative you talked to before will tell you that he is going to send you an email that will show you how to fix the problem. You will hang up tired, but satisfied that you got results, until you realize that you can't get check your email because your computer has crashed.
The only course of action left to you now is the dreaded trip to the computer repair shop. A trip that has never in the history of personal computers ended well. Oh, the guys at the computer repair shop may look knowledgable, and they probably are, they just aren't going to put the knowledge to use on YOUR PC. Instead that knowledge is reserved for trying to find ways to conquer the Evil Wizard Gorlazx in Second Fuedal Region of the online computer game Baalor's Revenge. Your machine will only get attention after hours and hours of Baalor's when the computer repair guy has about 0.567 functioning brain cells left. That is why your PC always is ready a week later that promised and is never really technically fixed. It's 'fixed' in that it actual boots up now, but when it comes to doing something far-fetched like actually running a program you can forget about it. But look at it on the bright side, they probably will have installed a nice new Baalor's Revenge screensaver on your Pc, and so now you will at least have something nice to look at while you sit on the phone with Tech Support again.
But I guess that's the price we all pay for the luxury of modern technology. If you think about it, a few wasted hours on the phone and a few wasted weeks or months with no computer, are really small prices to pay for all the advantages we get while our PCs are working. And if you don't know what kind of 'advantages' I'm talking about, come over one day when my girlfriend's not here, I've got a few downloaded pictures to show you...
Tim Ward, the self-proclaimed Online Jester,invites you to sign-up for his ezine, aptlytitled, The Online Jester's Ezine. It's a monthly ezine that features his humorous articles that 'poke fun at all things Internet, as well as anything else he can find to make the ezine seem longer.
To learn more and sign-up visit: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/onlinejester And do it quickly, before your PC crashes.