A Full Life
If my life were just the total of my experiences then I am half
dead. I mean, I've been thought to be dead several times, but I
wasn't one of the ones thinking that. If I believed my palm (I
learned a bit about reading palms), I died over thirty years
ago, since my 'life-line' quits rather abruptly after barely
starting across my palm.
If quality of life were all that's important, I wouldn't want to
live; but with the occasional glorious moment that appears, I'll
stay. I like living; I enjoy the people around me, the feel of
my husband's arms around me, the hug of a child or grandchild. I
want to be able to know as many great-grandchildren as possible
and go to ball games to cheer for my boys, no matter their ages,
or my great-granddaughter some day.
Yes, I live with pain every moment of every day; sometimes the
extreme agony decreases, but it never leaves. Lupus, rheumatoid
arthritis, fibromylagia, spondyl arthritis, and severe migraines
are more than just words to me; they exist in my body daily,
hourly. Does that make me disabled? No, they just make life a
bit more challenging, and, yes, at times more difficult. I've
had to learn to do some things differently and to learn to
ignore other things. My house certainly isn't as spotless as I
would like; I don't cook huge meals for my extended family any
more; I don't make bread from scratch as I once did. However, I
still enjoy a colorful sunset; I use faster film to take
photographs; my mind weaves stories as well as ever. I still
enjoy life and living.
I stumble more often, even fall a few times, but I've learned to
hold God's hand and rely on my own power less. I count my
blessings more often and pray for my loved ones more intensely.
The losses of a child, of grandchildren, of my parents leave
holes that nothing can fill. Therefore, I try to appreciate the
loved ones left even more.
Once my life overflowed with things and doings. Now I have to
close the faucet partially so that the stream isn't as
fast-flowing. Everyday I learn to adapt, even if I'm not a fast
learner in that respect. I live my life; I live a full life. I
may suffer pain, but I wouldn't want to miss the dance.