How To Be Assertive Without Getting ANGRY
No matter what type of business we are involved in, our success
is in part determined by how well we deal with people. We need
to present ourselves as confident, decisive and assertive.
LET'S NOT OVERDO IT
Sometimes, however, our efforts to show our assertiveness cross
the line. We end up coming across as rude, aggressive or
downright belligerent.
Let's clarify the major distinctions.
ASSERTIVENESS VS. AGGRESSIVENESS
In any situation where your rights or space are being violated,
there are generally three options available to you. You can:
1) Be submissive, say nothing, and fume in silence.
2) Be aggressive and hostile, which will probably just fuel the
fire.
3) Calmly and politely assert your interests.
Sometimes when we feel compelled to speak up, we can easily lose
sight of the fact that we just want to stop the offensive
behavior, period. We do not need to humiliate the other person,
nor do we need to humiliate ourselves by overreacting.
This person may not even be aware of any wrongdoing. In any
event, explosive, self-righteous behavior is never a good first
line of defense.
CONFIDENT PEOPLE HAVE NO NEED OR DESIRE TO BELITTLE OTHERs
Assertiveness does not seek to humiliate or purposely embarrass
anyone. The other party may well end up feeling a little
embarrassed, but it won't be laced with anger at you. It's
amazing how cooperative people can become when treated with
respect. And it is equally amazing how swiftly and surely they
will become uncooperative if they are being attacked in any way,
even with a subtle gesture or an exasperated tone of voice.
HUMANS ALWAYS RESPOND MORE FAVORABLY TO KINDNESS
There's an old saying, maybe a little corny, but it still holds
true: "You can catch more flies with honey than you can with
vinegar."
This bit of common knowledge may not be as common as we think.
Next time a situation arises, remember that you can choose to
assert your interests calmly and politely without becoming angry
or abusive.
Your kindness will likely be returned, and even if it's not,
your own sense of personal mastery and self-esteem will rise a
notch.
You'll find such good feelings to be habit-forming. Now there's
a habit worth having.