Instilling Self Confidence in Boys
Despite advances in gender differences, boys are still very much
taught that they need to be strong, not show emotions, never be
vulnerable, and a host of other behaviors that can make them
feel isolated from others. When boys feel they have no outlets
and ways to express themselves, they can lose confidence in
themselves and have lower self-esteem.
This can have detrimental outcomes, as boys seek ways to feel
better about themselves. This could be getting involved with
others who are not the positive influences desired, or acting
out in negative ways that lead to them getting in trouble in
school or elsewhere. As boys age, their self-confidence tends to
improve; however, if they are involved in activities and
detrimental behaviors at a young age, this may well carry into
the teen years, when the outcomes can be much more serious. What
can you do, as a parent or influence, to foster a healthy
self-confidence in young boys?
First, be sure that you are available. If boys know they have
someone to talk to who will not laugh at them for expressing
their feelings and fears, they will be more likely to take
advantage of this. Young boys may have friends who they can talk
to, but these boys have also been taught or shown that
expressing emotions is unmanly, and that fears are something to
be laughed at.
This can result in devastating feelings of rejection and loss
of self worth among peers. Therefore, be sure to provide a safe
place and ways for boys to express themselves.
Also show boys that it is okay to express emotions. This does
not mean that the men in their lives need to be overly sensitive
or constantly crying, but displaying a healthy amount of emotion
is a positive thing, both for the adult and for the boys who
witness it. Displays of appropriate emotion are important to a
boy's sense of self-worth. For example, boys who witness men
being stoic and showing little or no emotion during times of
high emotional stress may become very confused. A death in the
family is one such example.
The boy will understandably be feeling sadness, emptiness, and
a host of other emotions. However, if he witnesses the adult men
in the family appearing unaffected, this can create a lot of
confusion. This can also make a young boy doubt his own
emotions, which are perfectly natural and normal in such a
situation. Yet, from what he witnesses, he may conclude that he
is abnormal, which can lead to a loss of self-esteem and
confidence.
Help boys find what they're good at and encourage it. Not all
boys are going to be fabulous at sports or other traditionally
"male" activities, and this is okay. If he is good at sports,
that's great. But also encourage boys to try a variety of
activities and interests to see which ones fit and which do not.
If a boy loves reading, for example, do not chastise him for
this. If he is made to feel unworthy for pursuing interests, he
can translate this into feeling that he as a person is not
important, and this is definitely not something you want to have
happen.
Particularly for boys, activities and external pursuits are
often seen as a direct reflection of who they are as people.
Encourage boys to feel good about who they are, not just what
they do.
As boys learn healthy ways to express themselves, follow their
interests, and have a strong support system, they will be much
better able to build a strong foundation for a lifetime of
confidence. Making it through the teenage years will be easier
(not easy, but easier), as will the transition to adulthood.
Start early to help young boys to develop a strong sense of self
to help them become positive role models for the next
generation.