The Missing Ingredient

Every time you're in front of an audience, don't forget to add the secret ingredient ... yourself. There is a well-known story that's been oft-repeated by motivational speakers across the globe about a famous chef and his young apprentice. As the story goes, the chef was teaching his young student how to prepare his famous Key Lime Pie. Now, this pie wasn't just good, it was what they call a "culinary experience." The creamy lime filling not too sweet, not too tart, succulent and downright tasty. The graham cracker crust lightly browned, holding together just long enough to meet your tongue before it crumbled and released its rich caramel flavor. Then there was the dollop of homemade whipped cream on top, light and fluffy and filled with real lime wedges. Yes, this was Key Lime Pie unlike any that anyone had ever tasted. Eager to pass on his craft and increase his sales, the chef sought to teach his art form to his young apprentice. So he had him gather all of the ingredients and took him step by step through the entire recipe. The apprentice watched the chef closely, add limes here, mix cream here, add eggs here, a teaspoon of vanilla there, caramel flavoring there ... on and on it went. Then they each inserted the pies into the oven and waited for the masterpieces to bake. When they pulled the pies from the oven, the apprentice was shocked. His crust was slightly burned, but the chef's was a golden brown. His filling tasted tart and made his eyes squint, while the chef's was as smooth as silk. His whipped cream had curdled, yet the chef's rested on the pie like a soft white pillow. "What happened?" the apprentice blurted out to the chef. "I put in every ingredient that you did, I followed all of the directions, just as you did, and I couldn't even sell my pie at a grocery store, while yours is next to perfect." The chef smiled, leaned over, put his hand on the apprentice's shoulder, and said, "Son, you forgot the most important ingredient of all." "What's that?" asked the apprentice. The chef winked and said, "You forgot to put yourself into it." During my tenure as Vice President of Product Development for Nightingale Conant, and having been an avid audio listener long before that, I have heard literally hundreds of speakers on almost every topic under the sun. I've come to conclude a key insight about public speaking: You can take every course on public speaking, learn all the right jokes and quotes, use all the right body language, and dress for success. Yet if, like the apprentice, you leave yourself out of the recipe, you will never have a lasting impact on your audience. Many speakers say that fear is the major obstacle to good public speaking. They quote the familiar statistic that most people fear public speaking more than they fear death. This is certainly true. But in my experience, "overcoaching" of public speaking techniques is just as much of a barrier. You know what I'm talking about. This is the speaker that treats his or her speech like that Key Lime Pie recipe. Begin with a joke, then insert a story about yourself to identify with your audience, then tell the audience what you are going to tell them, then tell them, then tell them what you've told them, and then add a great quote (and a dash of salt) ... and there you have the "perfect speech." As true as many of these ideas may be, such a speech is usually far from perfect. Instead, it's what I call the "good enough" speech. Yes, he or she covered all the points, looked presentable, and maybe even made me laugh a bit. But somehow it seemed too sanitary. There was nothing terribly unique about it. In fact, it felt like a speech I had heard (in various forms) hundreds of times before. Think of many of the greatest communicators you know. A few of my favorites are John Madden, the famous football announcer, now on Monday Night Football; Wayne Dyer, winner of the Golden Gavel Award and one of Nightingale-Conant's most popular speakers; and Oprah Winfrey, host of the Oprah Winfrey Show. Each of these speakers is a consummate professional. They prepare as much as anyone and have a natural charisma about them. Yet they violate many of the so-called rules of great public speaking: John Madden has been known to butcher the English language on occasion and has the speaking style of the "average Joe" rather than the polished delivery of an Al Michaels, for example. Wayne Dyer seems to insert an "um" or "uh" into every sentence, and his talks seem like a "stream of consciousness" rather than a structured delivery. And Oprah wears her feelings on her sleeve, laughing, crying, and even challenging her own guests on occasion. Yet I could listen to each of these speakers and never tire of them. And as evidenced by their enduring popularity, so could millions of others. All of these speakers have inserted the missing ingredient -- themselves -- into their public speaking. They mix just enough of the raw materials of public speaking into their recipe to be successful, and then dump in a heavy dose of originality and creativity that is their own and no one else's. Rarely will you walk away from hearing John Madden, Wayne Dyer, or Oprah and say, "I've heard that a million times before." Here are three tips to make sure that you never forget "the missing ingredient." 1. Use popular public speaking techniques like a light garment, rather than a straitjacket. It is important to learn the essentials of good public speaking, but then customize them to your unique shape and form. If they don't fit, toss them out. There is nothing more important in public speaking than being natural. 2. Try giving a presentation to someone who knows you best, such as a spouse or good friend. Ask the person, "Does this seem like me, like the person you know?" If your presentation makes you seem foreign, you aren't letting your uniqueness shine through. Adapt your presentation so that it reveals the most unique elements of your personality. 3. Shine your unique thinking on any subject you cover. Whatever your topic is, don't just regurgitate the same familiar thoughts. Do your research on the subject and then strive to improve upon it by at least 10 percent. Strive to customize every topic and patent it, metaphorically, if not actually, for yourself. Do these things and, unlike the apprentice, you'll no longer seek to bake the same pie as the chef. Instead, you will create a recipe that is uniquely yours. Tips to Make Sure You Never Forget "The Missing Ingredient" 1. Learn the essentials of good public speaking, but customize them to your unique shape and form. 2. Adapt your presentation so that it reveals the most unique elements of your personality. 3. Strive to customize every topic and patent it, metaphorically, if not actually, for yourself.