How to Make Long Distance Relationships Work
Long distance relationships are dreadful. I know this because
I'm currently living one. You watch other couples walk down the
street hand-in-hand, kissing, etc., everyday and you can't do
anything but envy them. So how can a long distance relationship
work? How can you keep on loving someone if you can't even see
them?
The answer is...it depends on how much you want it to work. True
love can overcome any odds thrown in its path if you want it bad
enough. So the question is, how do you do it? Well, I do not
think that anyone knows exactly how to make it work, but I can
certainly provide some points on making it work.
1. COMMUNICATION is the key.
In every relationship, whether near or far, if communication is
taken for granted, it can cause the relationship to quiver until
it eventually dies a natural death. That's why in any given
circumstance, communication has to be given utmost importance.
There are so many available media to ensure that the
communication stays open. From snail mails and phone calls to
chat systems and e-mails or e-cards. These media can be
effective means to convey your hearts desires to your loved
ones. Let them know about what you've been doing and thinking
because in that way they will feel like they are there with you.
This will also help you feel close even though you are miles
apart.
2. Send off CARE PACKAGES.
It can be anything -- a little gift of flowers; a collection of
the letters he has sent you designed artistically into a
scrapbook; or your sweetheart's favorite jewelry -- it's really
only limited to your imagination. Engaging yourself in this way
is beneficial for both of you. You get to concentrate on
gathering these items and putting them together, thus keeping
your mind off not being together to a certain extent. Your loved
one will see how much effort you put into it and how much you
care. Even if it is nothing more than a card,it shows they mean
enough to you that you can take the time to let them know. It
never takes much money to show a little love with a small gift.
Trust me, it can melt a heart!
3. Keep yourself BUSY.
You couldn't just sit there and wait 'til he comes back to you.
What if he doesn't come back at all and all you did was sit and
get your tummy flabby, won't that make you just miserable? You
won't just be stunting your growth as an individual in the
process but you'd also be developing emotional insecurities. In
order to avoid that, you have to focus yourself on other things
while waiting. Try to identify your passions. Get in touch with
your creative nature. If you are a homebody, you can read tons
of books which can help you grow intellectually and emotionally
or you can choose to lounge before your computer and surf for
hours to learn invaluable things over the internet. It's an
endless "ways-to-make-yourself-busy" list and it is up to you to
decide whichever you're interested to get involved in. But
remember, being "busy" is not an excuse to forget your "special
days" and worse yet, your loved one. You're doing it not just to
occupy yourself but also to allow yourself to grow even with
your lover's absence.
4. HONESTY is the best policy.
The path to true intimacy and connection especially in a long
distance relationship is through "total honesty" to each other
in the fullest sense of the words. By being authentic and
telling your full truth to your loved one about your thoughts,
feelings, needs, wants, issues, boundaries, etc., you are
gradually building up a zone of confidence and comfort for both
of you. This is very essential if you want your relationship to
really last. Seeking to avoid conflict and maintain harmony by
censoring yourself can work for a while but it won't take much
time until your suppressed truth comes out in other ways, such
as withdrawal, resentment, "acting out," etc. I know, sometimes,
telling your whole truth can be difficult and even scary, but it
will result in the kind of relationship that you really want-- a
relationship where all the cards are laid in the table.
5. The value of TRUST
Trust is a very fundamental aspect in any relationship. That is
because having trust in a relationship takes away doubt. When
you trust someone you never have to question their motivation
about anything and with mutual trust that relationship is solid.
You must learn to be true to the relationship and must never
give way to insecurities, strange feelings, suspicions and quick
impulses because these will only bring your relationship down.
Don't push away negative comments, or advice. Just trust in
yourself and your partner. If you two are true to each other and
have no hidden motives then you'll be alright. Remember "Love
never fails."
6. COMMITMENT is a habit not an achievement
In every relationship, it is a must to be able to learn how to
commit and be committed. For most long distance relationships,
the very reason why they fail is because both parties couldn't
go on with the commitment and they feel too weak to withstand
the tribulations of time.If you have committed yourselves to
each other without shilly-shallying, then you have a good
promise ahead of you.Your comitment to each other will keep the
passion alive and the fires burning thus sustaining the growth
of the relationship.
7. PATIENCE is a virtue.
Being in a long distance relationship requires being steadfast
and persevering. If you aren't this kind of person and you're
involved in a long distance relationship, then as much as now,
you better try to learn to be patient. Focus your attention on
all the positive aspects of the relationship and never give your
hopes up. Showing that you value your partner and the
relationship and that you are willing to work patiently through
it will let them know you truly love them.
8. WEBCAM
This is applicable only for those who have the comfort of having
their own personal computers at home.But for those who don't,
there are computers-for-rent in cafe's with webcams already
attached to the computer system. Having a webcam is actually
very fun and exciting. Even if you aren't together but looking
at each other's face in the broad screen makes you feel like
you're just so close, so near to your loved one. My boyfriend
and I use Yahoo messenger to express our emotions with smileys
and it's melting my heart to see him smile in the cam when he
gets my messages.
9. Make special occasions SPECIAL.
It is not everyday that a special day comes so when it does, it
must be celebrated no matter how far apart you are. When I speak
of special occasions, I mean birthdays, anniversaries,
Christmas, New Year and Valentine's Day. During these occasions,
you can plan out some heavy-duty phone call or an extended
online time for the evening. Regardless of whether you talk
every night or a couple times a week, be sure you both carve out
some time for that particular night. If you're too stingy to
settle on a lengthy phone call, but have cheap and unlimited
online access, plan to send instant messages to each other or
meet in a private chatroom somewhere. If you can't be together,
at least you can be "talking" and "spending some private moments
together".
10. ENJOY LIFE!
Not because your loved one is away, it doesn't mean that your
"life" is taken away with him as he sets on for greener
pastures. You have your own life to live and you must live it up
to the purpose you were created for, with or without your loved
one.Anyway, we have our family and friends. What are these
social beings surrounding us created for anyway?
Remember,there are definite hardships associated with this
relationship style but it is important that those who thrive in
a long distance relationship see the suffering, difficulties,
distance and time as tools in cultivating their love and rearing
up the maturity in their relationship. The best you can do is to
strive to be the best of who you are as a person while your
partner is away so that when he comes back to you, you are
already a full-grown individual whom he will love even more and
be more proud of more than ever! For now, just be happy in
knowing that across the miles there is someone who thinks you
are so special, they are willing to engage in a terrible thing
such as a long distance relationship. Keep in mind that your
suffering is not forever since your loved one will be back soon
and when that time comes, everything will be much sweeter than
it was back then.