Write a Better Online Personal Ad
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Write a Better Online Personal Ad By Tracy Brant at Dateable.com
If you are going to invest time or money in using a matchmaking
website, you should really pay some attention to writing a
profile that will get you some responses. People will not be
interested in emailing you if you do not do something to make
yourself stand out from the masses of people using personal ads.
I administer several dating websites. People frequently write in
saying, "I never get any replies to my ad." And when I go look
at the ad, I find that they have not filled out the profile, or
added a photo. Who can tell if they want to email you if there
is no information? Not quite as bad, but still ineffective, is a
profile that says, "Email me for details" or "looking for a nice
person." You can't bother to write a paragraph to find the love
of your life? Or even a fun date for the weekend?
Here are some guidelines for writing effective personal ad
blurbs:
INVESTMENT. Decide that this is worth spending some time on, or
don't bother. You wouldn't submit a sloppy resume, would you?
This is about making a good first impression, because there will
be no second chance once someone clicks to the next ad.
MARKETING. You are marketing yourself... trying to stand out in
a crowd. You are the "product." and the people you want to meet
are your customers. Think about who you want to meet, and then
think about who THEY want to meet! How can you tell them that
YOU are the person they want to meet? Magazine ads, for example,
grab your attention, make you laugh, they make you think "wow,
what a great thing... I want to buy it." They can be short, but
pack a punch. If they are long, they tell a good story.
Marketers test their different ad campaigns, and you should,
too. Try placing different ads to see what gets you a better
result.
PREPARATION. Before you log in anywhere, do some thinking and
writing. Don't wait until you are faced with a blinking cursor
to write your blurb. Give serious thought to how you will
describe yourself and the person you hope to find. Write at
least two paragraphs, one about yourself, and one about the
person you seek. Ask someone you trust to read those paragraphs
and comment on how well they reflect who you are and what you
want. Save that text to cut and paste into dating website forms.
Have a digital photo or two ready.
OPENING LINES. Use your username... don't be Bob3456... be
PaintBallPrincess or SecretSuperHero or something else that
reflects your sense of humor and yourself. If the ad allows you
a "subject line" also use that well... "Need woman in Atlanta"
doesn't cut it. "Atlanta man on a mission" sounds more
interesting. "Atlanta Knight seeks his Queen" tells a different
story about who you are seeking. Use your username and subject
line to hook people into your ad. Use humor, drama, a funky
metaphor. Then, like any good ad, you want to show them you are
what they need, show them why you are unique, and invite them to
take action... by emailing you!
DETAILS. Write in complete sentences. Spelling and grammar DO
count. We have modern tools to help with that. You want to look
like you find this task important enough to spell out the words.
Unless you are 15 years old, writing "If u r inrested n me, wrt
2 me" makes you LOOK 15 years old. ALL CAPS IS LIKE SHOUTING...
don't. It is actually harder to read.
HONESTY. If you are not honest with yourself and others, you
will not find happiness in the personals. Are you married? You
know, people CAN figure that out and will resent the lie more
than the wedding ring. Without making any value judgements,
putting down "married" will not necessarily stop you from
finding matches. If you are just looking for a casual date,
don't imply that you are looking for marriage just to get more
email... it wastes everyone's time. If you are looking for a
long-term thing, don't think you can "convince" a casual date to
spend more time with you. You are asking for disappointment. Try
completing this sentence: "In a year, I'd like to see us
doing...."
STRINGS. Guys, I see many you making a crucial mistake in your
profiles. You will find that women are seldom looking for a "no
strings relationship." There simply is no such thing... if it is
a relationship, it has strings of SOME sort. If you don't want
strings, you are looking for an escort service. Women of any
description can find casual physical relationships without
lifting a finger to a keyboard. Don't lie, but think about which
"strings" are okay with you. "Seeking Torrid Summer Romance" is
fine and honest. So is, "I am not eager to move in or get
married. I want to have a regular date for parties and cookouts
with my friends." Ladies, this counts for you, too. If your
personal ad sounds like you might be offering paid sexual
services, you are going to get some rude offers. You might avoid
phrases like, "looking for a wealthy man with good taste in
jewelry."
BEYOND PHYSICAL. Have you ever really dated someone just for
their eye color? OK, maybe you have spectacular eyeballs. But
ads tend to reel off personal stats... and then stop there, as
though there were nothing but a body. Most personal sites let
you click things to describe your eyes, hair, and height...
don't waste valuable profile space on your hair. Talk about who
you are first, and what you look like at the end. Want to know
the number one thing surveyed women look for in a guy? A sense
of humor.
AVOID NEGATIVES. This is not the place to list all the things
that drove you crazy about your ex and how you won't put up with
that again. Don't list what you don't want... discuss what you
DO want. Turn your own lifestyle quirks into positives, not
obstacles. Workaholic? Try, "My career keeps me very busy, so I
need someone with a flexible schedule for spontaneous one-day
adventures." Frugal to a fault? Try "I find it amusing to
squeeze a nickel 'til it screams... help me research for my web
column "CheapDates for CheapSkates." Worried people will regard
your children as an obstacle? "My family is very important to me
and I hope to find someone that will enjoy the attention of a
warm family circle."
POST A PHOTO. Website statistics show that an ad with a photo is
80% more likely to get a response. A photo that shows you
relaxed and having fun, no matter what you look like, is even
better. Don't use a photo that isn't current.. it isn't worth
looking so insecure, or being rejected later. Don't rush to ask
for a photo... you may look like a "pic trader," someone who is
collecting photos rather than looking for a real date. Don't
stress about your looks... attraction is about more than looks.
Yes, we often are first attracted to someone by looks, when we
meet in person. But on the Internet, if you seem like a jerk,
you won't get the chance to meet in person.
LIFE STAGES. People often say that "age" is not as important as
"life stage." Where are you in your life? Just starting out in a
new career? Settled into life with kids? Empty-nesting?
Exploring new interests? These are things that matter. Talk
about what is important in your life. "I am established in my
career and now turning my attention to the great books I never
had time to read." "I moved to this state for a job after
college, and I am looking for dates with a lot of
outdoors-loving friends to help me build a sporty new social
circle."
FAVORITE THINGS. Listing ALL your favorite things is dizzying..
Choose one good example and talk about why you like it. Choose
something that gives the reader an insight into what you enjoy.
You want people to be able to spot things you have in common,
but also feel that there is something new and interesting to
learn about you. Interest them in learning more with a "teaser"
about something fascinating about you. Ask a question for them
to answer in the reply email.
RULES. Never... NEVER include your last name, phone number or
address. Observe the rules of the various websites... some do
not allow you to post web addresses or email addresses. Many
prohibit crude language or sexual references. Getting your ad
removed by breaking rules is a waste of time.
So... let your personality be shown in a tasteful way, take the
time to do a good job, and have a good photo. Those things alone
will put you far ahead of the misspelled anonymous pack. Best of
luck!